Bikini Bridge is the new Thigh Gap

One of the purposes of my blog is to educate my bloggers and enforce a healthy body image.

Sometime last year I blogged about the thigh gap.  This desperation to be thinner than our bodies support runs rampant in our young ladies' lives.  And now there's a new culprit:

The Bikini Bridge.

What is a bikini bridge?  Urban Dictionary defines it as the following (bold my own emphasis):  

1. when a girl in a bikini lies down and her hip bones protrude well past their flat stomach causing their bikini bottom to stretch across and gap is formed for a beautiful view of their vaginal front also referred to as hood.

When I see a bikini bridge It makes my whole day better!

2.  An incredibly sexy phenomenon wherein bikini bottoms are suspended between the two hip bones, causing a space between the bikini and the lower abdomen. This potential view into the unknown can be further accentuated by a third structural element contributing to the bridge-effect, the mound.

Here's a visual for you:

Let me start by saying that when you are a certain size, there is a natural curvature to a woman's body that can cause her hip bones to pop a little.  The thigh gap is finally getting a bad name, however, it has been replaced with the "bikini bridge."  Now girls are looking to starve themselves to have their hip bones protrude.  The more that their bikinis don't touch their abdominal and go from hip bone to hip it is more desirable.  

Why is a skeletal figure considered beautiful?  The submitted descriptions of the bikini bridge on Urban Dictionary are very positive.  I can imagine that men like it, because they can peek right on down to your who-haw!  (That's Texan for vagina.)  There are now tumblrs devoted to bikini bridges, and most websites that I visited found this new phenomenon to be sexy and hot.

Believe it or not, the bikini bridge was started as an internet hoax.  Riding on the coattails of the thigh gap, a 4chan user decided to start a new body trend and this is what they came up with.  They created memes and propaganda to promote this new body "ideal."  And guess what?  The experiment worked.

All it took for our female youth to distort their view of a beautiful or covet an unobtainable body was to see one promoted online.  It shows how great of an influencer the internet is on our younger generations.  If we bombarde our girls with these images and tell them it's beautiful (whether we actually believe it ourselves or not), they will strive for that "perfection."  

My question is why do the images of curvier, more natural women not catch on?  Why does real not become a trend?  Why do we rebuke what is natural in favor for unnatural?  Our cultures define what is beautiful.  Is our culture so thin obsessed that any image of gaps on a woman's body is beautiful? How do we change that?  Why is it that something that was intended to be a joke has turned into an actual trend?  

What a long bridge we've crossed from our ancestors.

At the vanity, 1600-1650

#bikinibridge 

Beauty Starts in the Heart

As I continue to review some wise words written by those whose lives were exemplary in my eyes, I grow and learn more.

I have learned that when you start to think and do things differently it hurts.  To accept that you want to make a change in your life means to accept that you are willing to suffer.

It also means you will feel like a hypocrite.

Nearly every woman can identify with a lack of confidence for any myriad of reasons.  I have an exercise for you to try.

Get one of your best female friends, one that you trust with all your heart.  Have them sit across from you and stare you right in the eye and state, "You are beautiful.  Do you believe me?  Do you?"  Then bring the words to your mouth.  "Yes, I believe you.  I am beautiful."

For most women, it won't be words but tears that will come first.  Then when you get to the point where you can say the words, they will be alien and foreign.  Most of all, they won't be the truth, and you will feel like a liar.

Then put your shoulders back, lift your head, and smile.  It is scientifically proven that your self body language has a direct correlation to your confidence.  The disdain you feel from this exercise may be too much.

Hold on.

This is it.  This is the the suffering.  This is the change you are making.  With every birth is labor.  Put an effort in your looks, your posture, your smile.

You see, my dear blog readers, as I write this I feel like the largest of hypocrites.  I, like all humans, have my own hang-ups that hurt.  This is the path I am choosing to take.  I have made a choice to change now, and so I have committed myself to suffering.  I will take the difficult path for the bigger reward.

So I invite you to join me.  Let's spend our days focused on positive thoughts, beautiful smiles, and clean posture.  Let's build our confidence through our body...our very own enemy.  And when you're ready to give in, let's all hold each other accountable.  Let's always be able to look each other in the eye and say,

You're Beautiful.

I'm Beautiful.

Finding Self Worth

Hello my wonderful Blog readers!

I apologize for the hiatus...as you know, sometimes life gets too busy!

There have been a lot of ups and downs in my life as of recently.  What a beautiful roller coaster life can be.  But with every dip, the peaks teach a new lesson to prepare you for the next.

About once a year, I dig out a book of mine that was written by one of my college professors Dr. Willard Tate.  He passed away from cancer several years back, but he lived a long, full life.  He traveled as an inspirational speaker in his later years.  The thing about Dr. Tate was that he was a simple yet wise man.  This book that I read on an annual basis is called "Learning to Love."  I recently read this book again, which got me thinking as usual.

In my own life, I have witnessed others struggling with a sense of self worth.  For all of us, the world tells us that there are three standards by which we qualify as worthy: achievement, intelligence, and appearance.

Achievement

As a woman, I don't know about you, but I often feel as though we are expected to make great achievements, without achieving too much.  We are told that a man's fragile ego cannot accept a woman that he considers more successful than him.

Or there's the world of the gold diggers.  Or the false perception of one.  Women are not expected to want a man who can provide for a family, because that would base her love on his achievements, which may or may not be true.

If we struggle with our own personal achievements, we lower our own self-worth.  We don't find ourselves worthy for a man.  However, this affliction is probably more commonly felt by men.

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level One.

Intelligence

Now let's be honest...this is the most hypocritical category for women.

When we are young, we are taught to be dumb is to be popular and cool.  I remember often holding my tongue or purposefully saying things with a valley girl voice to try to fit in.  Intelligence equals an easy target for bullies when we are young.  Then suddenly in our late twenties the world changes its mind.  Suddenly we're supposed to transition into amazing brilliant women.

I've been stuck in the in-between world of intelligence in my own life.  When I was in elementary school, I would consistently receive 95s and 100s on my tests.  So they tested me for advanced learning.  Guess what?  I failed.  By three points.  With the insistence of my teacher they put me in the advanced "Gifted and Talented" class.  That's right.  At a young age, we are separated into our sectors. Unfortunately, my "intelligence" lies in writing, reading, and creativity; and the advanced classes focused on math, logic, and science.  I bounced back and forth with my self worth regarding my intelligence: in regular class I was the smartest, but in advanced classes I was the dumbest.

Make up your mind, world!  Do you want us smart or dumb?

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level Two.

Appearance

This is it, ladies.  This is the big one for us.

As women we are taught that we can forgo the intelligence and achievement as long as we have the appearance category in spades.  What a deal!!  Men require all three, but we can get away with one.  But what a devastating one thing that can be.

At what cost do we work to maintain that worthiness?  Especially if we feel as though we can't reach a respectable self-worth through our intelligence or achievement?  In fact, how often is it taught that a dumb but pretty girl is more desirable?  Or that a woman only needs to conquer a man as her sole achievement?

As Dr. Tate writes in his book, "...how do you suppose the story would have read if she had been Sleeping Ugly?...the whole point of the story was that she was beautiful.  Otherwise, the prince would have let her sleep forever."

And yet, the more attractive a woman, the more negative feedback she receives from fellow women.  An extremely attractive woman is not expected to be a highly intelligent scientist or business woman.  In fact, it is more difficult for an extremely attractive woman to be taken seriously in the business world.  Aren't they supposed to be simply a trophy?  Why should they try to accomplish more?  Leave that to the women who lack in appearance.

As one of my favorite songwriters, Ani DiFranco, sang, "God help you if you are an ugly girl.  Of course too pretty is also your doom.  Everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room."

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level Three.

So where am I going with all of this?  As long as you spend your time working to achieve your self-worth based on the standards of the world or a certain society, you will never win.  You will always lose at some point in your life.

Your self-worth is greater than anything of this world.  You were created perfect in every way.  PERFECT.

"Your Self Worth is a gift."

Because you are created in God's image, you don't have to earn anything, you already have it.  Any other way of gaining worthiness is unreliable and always changing.  Through God's unconditional love and grace you have a worth that no one can ever take from you.  You can lose a job, have a learning disability, or be an amputee.  Despite all of that, you have a soul that is far more valuable and lives eternally.  Shouldn't you be more focused on your soul's worth since it will be around far longer?

Try this to help you adjust to this idea: write on a small notecard that you can put in your purse or pocket I am a child of God.  Read it all throughout the day.  When you feel unworthy or low.  Reach for that card.  Eventually your conscious mind will learn what your innate subconscious was created to know this whole time.

Fatten Your Horizons

I've promised for the longest time to write about our thin girls in my blog, and now's the time.

Before I move forward with this particular entry, I will declare that I will never use the word "skinny" unless I feel as though a woman is unhealthy and underweight.  For myself, and many thin girls, the word skinny has a negative connotation to it.  It's the word used to describe anorexics.  It alludes to someone who is not fit or taking care of themselves.  Perhaps I'm mistaken, but that's how I feel about it and this is my blog...so be it.

Moving along....

I was once shopping at my favorite haunt, Ann Taylor Outlet, and the girl who worked there had helped me a couple of times in the past.  She was extremely petite.  Most likely around 5'2" and I would have been shocked if she topped 100lbs.  As she folded my clothes, she had a sort of sad look on her face.  In an effort to lift her spirits I relied on small talk,

"You were right, I decided to go with the medium on that shirt.  It fits better."

This was my effort at giving her credit for knowing her customer.  I figured by saying you're good at your job, it would make her a little happier.  Instead, she looked at me, and said,

"I wish I could fit in the Medium.  Nothing fits me.  I always have to have everything altered."

Then it hit me.  She was so petite she couldn't shop in women's departments.  Her size dictated that she was not a grown woman but a child.

More often than not, there's no empathy for the thin ladies.

"Don't complain!  You're skinny."

"Please...if I looked like you I'd walk around naked all day."

"Just shut up.  I don't even want to hear about your skinny problems."

Our culture has trained us that being a size two or smaller is perfection, and therefore if that is what you are then you surely cannot be unhappy with yourself.  But take a moment to consider...

What do men, media, and other women happily and incessantly talk about?  Breasts.  If you are a naturally thin woman, chances are that you are not large chested.  It only makes sense.  That's not who you are meant to be.  And yet, what is more feminine than breasts?  Curves?  Another thing that thin women sometimes lack.  Yes, so they can fit in a size zero, that size doesn't guarantee their self-esteem or happiness.

How often do we associate happiness with dress size?  I'm here to tell you, the two do not correlate.  I will say that fitness and happiness go hand in hand, but some women are not meant to have D cup breasts and wear wiggle dresses.  But they can rock a sheath dress like no one's business.

So for my thin ladies out there...I hear you.  I don't want you to shut up.  I want to hear about your body struggles just like someone who struggles with being overweight.  Being smaller than a size two doesn't mean you don't have a voice.  It doesn't mean that you don't hurt or feel bad about yourself some days or most days.  I will tell you the same that I tell all other ladies: you are beautiful.  No matter what our world dictates to you that you "lack" or "need," you just be you and be proud of the majesty that is your body.  

The Fifteen Minute Mile

Patience is a virtue.  Patience usually infers that time is involved and lengthy amounts of time at that.

Then there are patients.  People who need healing.

Is it a coincidence that these two seemingly different words are pronounced identically in the English language?

Often times it is not how quickly we reach a goal, but the steps it took to get us there that matter more.  When we wait and go the distance, the finish line is not just a line in the sand.  It is a sculpture in our hearts dividing the time between where and who we were and what we have traveled.  Like a scar left on our skin, healed but never the same.

I've said in the past that you should never compare yourselves to others.  Each person's journey is their own.  Because some people can do a six minute mile, but a marathon is their challenge.  And some squeak out a fifteen minute mile, and their hearts are racing.  The important thing is that you're making the distance.

As you travel your personal journey - physically, spiritually, emotionally - run your own mile or your own marathon.  When it starts to hurt, you will learn to be a patient and gain patience.  Your muscles will ache, your heart will pound, but when you keep pushing you will be stronger.

"Boys Like a Little More Booty to Hold at Night"

A friend of mine shared this with me, and it's so fun I had to share it here.  Smile, ladies, because you're beautiful!!

My personal note:

Some people commented on the video that they feel as though it is talking down to or shaming naturally thin girls.  I can see where they feel that way.  I think the greater understanding is that when women push back at the media, it is often times mis-interpreted as saying that thin girls are not as good.  The push back is not at our fellow women who are a size two, but the size two pedestal of perfection that we are bombarded with on a daily basis.  So, we love our fellow thin girls, but the easiest way to say that we are not going to play by the media and fashion world's ways is to resist the "ideal" that they have set before us, which happens to be a size two.

Don't Rush the Physical

We've all read relationship advice columns.

They pretty much all say the same thing:

Don't rush the physical.  The best relationships are built starting on a spiritual and emotional level first.

Any relationship in life comes down to the concept of love: love for another and love for yourself.

Have you ever wondered why crash diets don't work?  Or why women resort to desperate methods to lose weight, including eating disorders?  Because you're trying to rush the physical.

Rather than jumping headfirst into shedding pounds, start with your spiritual and emotional love.  You will find your value in your soul first.  The famous Lucille Ball (one of my personal inspirations) has a well known quote:

"Love yourself first then everything else will fall into line."

When you rush your way into the gym and constantly check the scale or the tape measure, you're not looking for a lasting relationship.  I want my readers to have a loving relationship for the long term.  No yo-yos or hating yourself in the morning after you binge on food because the night before you felt empty from your failed attempts at making it work.

So create a firm foundation from which to build a long physical relationship with yourself.  Sometimes you'll gain weight and sometimes you'll lose weight, but let yourself know that you'll love you no matter what and unconditionally.  Once you feel secure in yourself you'll be ready for the long haul and for the rest of your life.

American Eagle and Aerie Half Wins

Until recently I did not know that American Eagle has a separate ladies' undergarments company called Aerie.  What makes this website so unique?  They DO NOT photo shop the models.  Yep, hard to believe, but if you look at the girls you see real muscles and sometimes a little cellulite.  If the garment is a size 38D, then that is the size of the model.

http://www.ae.com/aerie/index.jsp

They've got their websites secured so that bloggers like me can't steal their pictures.  But as far as I'm concerned, this is a win!

Then I thought to go to American Eagle's website and look around.  Last I remember, I didn't think they supplied many sizes.  But I was wonderfully wrong!  They have jeans up to size 18.  Not only that, but they have short, regular, long, and extra long.  Wow!  What a range of clothing sizing!

"Miss Blogger, shouldn't this be a total win?"

Meh.  Sort of.  Here's my beef.  If you go to American Eagle Outfitter, they offer those sizes but once again you find stick thin models.  I would post a picture of their shorts, but again, I can't pull it from their site.  So just take a look for yourself: http://www.ae.com/web/browse/category.jsp?catId=cat1680006

The model with the dresses is fit and thin.  I like it.  She even has a chest.  But why, oh why, when you get to the skirts and shorts do we suddenly have nothing but frail legs, thigh gaps, and knobby knees??  I do not understand why retailers, even body image conscious retailers, insist on this thigh gap trend.  Why is it so bad for a woman to have real thighs?

A friend of mine bought me a book for my birthday that goes into many details about self-discovery.  It's fascinating to me.  The first part of the book outlines everything about personality traits based on just the physical.  It covers everything: from the lines in your hands to the shape of your face.  There is a page that shows what a woman thinks a man likes in an ideal woman, and then it shows what men really like in an ideal woman.  Guess what?  The drawing of the woman that the men described as ideal?  Her thighs and hips were larger than the women thought.

What does this mean?  It means that someone other than our male counterparts are influencing us women with what is considered ideal and beautiful.

Here's another tip: The drawing of how women perceived their bodies was MUCH larger than reality.

They say the camera adds 10lbs?  Well, then I think it's safe to say our female brains add 20lbs.

So, thanks American Eagle for your support with various sizing and girls that are not photoshopped on your underwear site.  But how about you have that same variance with your models on your regular clothing site?  And can you stop posing the model and adding the lighting to highlight a thigh gap?  Either you support women of all shapes or you are simply devising a marketing scheme to sell more underwear and bras.  So which is it?

#americaneagle  #aerie  #thighgap  #beautifulcurves

You Only Get One Body

I usually try to mix in some funny pictures and jokes on my blog just to keep things interesting, but today is a heartfelt day for me.  Not only is it my birthday, but I also get to go see someone that is dear to me in the hospital after surgery.

We spend so much time worrying about our weight, our hair, and whether or not our toenails look right for summer sandals.  And of course the infamous...did I shave my legs before deciding to wear these shorts today?

My whole blog is devoted to women's body image and fighting against the media machine.  Today, I want to express that your body is beautifully and wonderfully made.  Think of all of the things your body does for you on a regular basis that you take for granted: digesting, sleeping, walking, expressing...the list goes on and on.  Here is where real beauty lies:

Your body takes care of you on a daily basis breathing for you, keeping your heart beating, keeping those nerves sensitive.  What have you done for your body?  Other than critique it, harm it, and talk about it like it's not good enough.  Know when it is good enough?  When suddenly you don't have all of those things that you took advantage of previously.  

Looking "pretty" isn't worth damaging the greatest gift you've been given on this earth.  

You know the saying "Real beauty is on the inside?"  I take that to mean quite literally as well as spiritually.  For every time that you think something bad about your body, counter that with something your body has done for you today.  The list will be endless.

The Old Navy...Thigh Gap?

In a previous blog, I discussed the trend of thigh gaps: http://beautyandthecurves.blogspot.com/2013/10/mind-thigh-gap.html

Old Navy has started a new campaign with Amy Poehler, who I think is a very funny lady.  But there are two things in their most recent commercials that bother me.

Thing #1

Thing #2

Normally, when I think of Old Navy from personal experience shopping there, I think of normal girl clothing, one step above disposable, at a good price.  They are great about having many sizes available for all sizes of women.  

In the past, they have used nothing but thin models (if they're not celebrities), but this year their choice in women and wardrobe is disappointing.

Why are they stuffing these already thin women into pants that they clearly can't even walk in?  Then on top of it, it creates a thigh gap.  Is that the image they're trying to push with these new pants?

Whenever I see advertising like this, I just wonder, why?  Why did the director, casting director, and marketing head for Old Navy approve something that doesn't even coincide with their brand?  This looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch move.  

Both of these commercials are focusing on selling these pants.  

Ladies, let's put it out there...do you look at these pictures and think, "Oh, I'll look great in these!"

If you were to try these pants on in a store, you now have this visual expectation set before you as to what these pants are "supposed to look like." 

I have to ask Old Navy, 

"What you are accomplishing by promoting a thigh gap in your models who are selling your new line of pants?"  

These are choices that companies make when casting.  This is clearly their idea of perfection.  And I'm telling you, you don't have to look like this.  Don't buy what they're selling.  Whether you take that to mean mentally or literally, Old Navy is producing one more subconscious acceptance and push for thigh gap.  

And I, for one, will push back.

#EffYourBeautyStandards

There are times that I like to devote my blog to spreading awareness about other women and/or organizations that support women of all sizes to love and appreciate their bodies.  One woman that I recently learned about was Tess Munster.

www.tessmunster.com

She is a plus sized model who has created a movement called "Eff Your Beauty Standards."  She was an unknown single mother working hard to make ends meet when she was inspired to tell everyone that she loved the way she looked and wasn't ashamed to show it off.

She now travels the U.S. as inspirational speaker for women across the country living the life she promotes.  I follow her on Facebook and on her blog.  It's always inspiring to get a reminder to love your body, and she does an amazing and fearless job of it.

Since the movement has gained footing, she now has EffYourBeautyStandards merchandise that you can buy to support the movement: http://tess-munster.highwire.com/

Sometimes she receives criticism, because no one's life is safe from it if you enter the public eye.  Some women don't like that she allows for photoshop in her photos, but I think they're missing her point.  She's not shrinking her figure, and she takes lots of unedited photos for her various social media outlets.  However, the professional photos that are used for merchandising are photoshopped, because she's doing what she wants to do.  Some photos will have photoshop and some won't.  Here is the important thing to me:

She doesn't hide the photoshop.

Recently named one of the world's top plus size models by Refinery 29, Huff Post, & Vogue Italia

The reason why the modeling/media world drives me nuts is because they act like every photo you see is real.  If women would step forward and say, "This or that is fake.  I had implants.  I had lipo."  Whatever the case may be, then at least they're being honest and not leading young girls to believe they were just born that way.

I would consider myself a fan of Tess Munster.  If you'd like to become her fan too, here are some links:

http://theplussizelife.blogspot.com/ 

https://www.facebook.com/TessMunster

And let's join Tess in saying,

#EffYourBeautyStandards

Show Up For Yourself

I was doing yoga this morning, and this is what I would like you to believe I look like:

In reality, I'm not what you would call the picture perfect yoga-er.  Sometimes I swear at the television, grunt (or scream, however you categorize it) with the pain, and drip sweat.  Not so pretty, right?

But, seriously, even though it can be super painful and challenging, I always feel really good after some yoga.  

To keep my readers updated, I've recommitted to working out and I'm starting week three (? or is it four?).  I'm unusual for a woman in that I actually like to lift weights more than cardio.  But I know that I need all kinds of exercise to keep healthy.  So anyway, back to my yoga session...

Approximately my face during yoga

The yoga instructor said something that really resonated with me today, and I thought I would pass it on to all of you.

"Self confidence begins with self trust. Show up for yourself."

As I've been working out, I'm slowly gaining strength and endurance again and it feels good.  I haven't technically lost any weight, I don't think.  I don't keep a scale around, because I know I would obsess about it.  So instead I obsess over my tape measure.  In fact, I got to feeling down yesterday, because despite my working out my pants feel like they're fitting tighter.

With that aside, I'm FEELING better even without the weight loss.  And I think my handy dandy DVD yoga instructor hit it on the head.

I've been showing up for me.  I'm focusing effort towards myself.  And the days when I REALLY, really, REALLY don't want to be at the gym, when I follow through I feel good about it.

This applies to our lives in general.  When we're lazy, we don't complete tasks to the best of our ability. We can't trust ourselves to satisfy us.  So when others are disappointed it only rubs salt in the wound.

The hard thing about self-trust is it is difficult to detect.  Just going to a gym consistently, or cleaning your kitchen every night before bed, or doing at least one load of laundry a day may seem like silly little things.  But the truth is that you are setting goals for yourself and saying, "Self, this is what I want you to accomplish."  And yourself says, "I've got this.  Don't worry about it.  You go do your thing."

But then you don't do it.

And you feel bad about it.  You broke your own trust.  You told yourself you were going to do it for yourself, and you failed yourself.  So it comes to make sense that it breaks your self-confidence.  You can't trust yourself, and so you can't have confidence in yourself.

Your relationship with you is just as real and important and your other relationships in life, and yet it is considered the last of the most important.  But don't forget, if you don't love you, how can you love anyone else to your full potential?

So show up for yourself.  Do that scrapbook cookbook you've been telling yourself you're going to do. Or start a gym routine.  And do it for you, not for someone else.  That would defeat the whole purpose.

Self trust is a selfish act that results in a happiness shared in an unselfish way.

Do These Genes Make My Butt Look Big?

Well, maybe.

I'm not a doctor or nutritionist.  But there are many articles and doctor's blogs that support the theory.  Yes, it's still considered a theory, because there are so many small genetic differences that could affect many weight conditions.

It explains why some people can eat, eat, and eat and stay extremely thin.  Or why some people eat a fairly healthy diet with the "normal" splurges that we all indulge, and yet gain a ridiculous amount of weight.  Just like we can be genetically inclined to have high cholesterol, it is thought that we can also be inclined to obesity or extreme thinness.

Think it's a bunch of hogwash?  That it's all within the control of the individual?  How about this for you?

Kylie and Kendall Jenner - Daughters to Bruce Jenner, Olympian, and Kris Jenner.

Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe Kardashian - daughters to Robert Kardashian and Kris Jenner

If you don't know who these women are then you probably live under a rock and I'm not sure how you have access to a computer right now.  The Kardashian sisters have an empire that is highly dependent on their looks, so it would lead one to believe that they focus a lot of time on staying in shape.  I got these candid shots, because I didn't want the ridiculous amount of photoshop that is applied to their magazine photo shoots to distort my point. 

Khloe Kardashian has publicly struggled with her weight, Kim ain't no itty bitty thing, and their brother Robert has also recently struggled with his weight.

Kylie and Kendall?  They are slim and lean runway models.  What is the only difference between these siblings?  Their fathers.  The children of the Olympian Bruce Jenner (a.k.a. one of the best athletes in the world), do not have the same curves as Robert Kardashian's daughters.  They both have the same mother, and yet their body builds are so completely different.  Kim Kardashian couldn't have hips the width of her little half-sisters' if she had the smallest amount of healthy body fat allowable.

I don't need a study to tell me that genetics play a role.  It's right in front of our faces.  

This is just another reason why there is never a winner in the comparison game.  What else does it mean?

Unfortunately, it means that if you are genetically inclined to obesity you have to put in three times the effort as someone who is more athletically genetically inclined.  It doesn't mean that you can't be in shape and healthy, but your healthy shape may be a 10 not a size 2.  Your healthy isn't necessarily another person's healthy.  Again, I'm no doctor, but sometimes common sense is a science all it's own.

Skinny Isn't Good Enough

Just got back from the gym.  I was finally able to find my magic elixir online that keeps my blood sugar level stable enough for me to really get in a good workout.  You can find it here: http://www.luckyvitamin.com/p-234339-biorhythm-100-whole-gains-naturally-anabolic-protein-vanilla-delight-247-lbs

At any rate while I was at the gym....

I got to thinking.  As women we all say, "I wanna be skinny."  Most women mean just that.  Give me a magic pill to shed all the weight, suck it out of my body, whatever you need to do I want to be "skinny."

Well, I don't want to be skinny.  Because there are many ways you can get to be "skinny."

Bulimia

Anorexia

Smoking

Hard Drugs

Surgery


And none of that is good enough for me.  My body and I are better than that.

Your body is better than abuse.

Because that's what it is.  You are abusing your body to achieve the magnificent "skinny."  

I want to be toned.  In shape.  Healthy.

I'm definitely not the picture perfection of health.  Believe me.  I inhale carbs like they're going out of style.  I mean...I think that's the latest on what is or isn't good for you.  I can't keep up with it these days.  The online Chicago Tribune wrote an article showcasing how kale is so out now and collard greens are now in (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-schmich-met-0212-20140212,0,3876842.column)

Sorry, Kale, I've got collard greens on the side now.

Seriously?

Give me a break, people.  I get sick and tired of fads: today you should eat this and tomorrow you shouldn't.  Anyway...I digress.  

Let's not focus on skinny.  Let's just focus on exercising.  Just make it part of your routine.  That routine that has you exhausted with no time left over.  I am fully aware of how difficult it is.  But guess what?  A little bit is better than nothing.  And once you achieve healthy lean, you'll never want to be skinny again.  This was me six years ago:

I've never posted that picture anywhere.  Not even Facebook. (What?)  I know, weird, right?  Absolutely NO AIRBRUSHING.  Just the little picture frame fade on it.  (For the record, I didn't weigh some measly 100lbs.  I was 135lbs of muscle.)  I've added on a whopping 15lbs since then, so how could I settle for just skinny now?  I can't.  I want the toned abs and the lean arms.  

Let's be strong.  Let's be healthy.  

Let's not settle for skinny anymore.

Surviving Conditional Self Love

My faithful readers, I took some time off to give myself some time to relax and get my life back in order.  And now I'm back!  Sometimes we all need a little "me time" to do what we like, and to do what we don't necessarily like to do but will make our lives better...like spring cleaning your house.

It's a great lesson for us all to learn and do on a regular basis.  Taking care of yourself is hard work.  You know what's even harder?  Wading through your own conditional self love.

As people we always seem to be searching for unconditional love.  As a Christian, I believe this is a purposeful need placed in us to seek out God.  Some people are lucky enough to know unconditional love from their parents.  Most people are not so lucky.  And even less people practice unconditional self love.

It starts with your mother and ends with you.

I think most of us girls have heard it in our lives by our mothers:

"When I was your age, I was so skinny."

"When I was younger, I was only 100lbs."

"When I married your father, I was so cute...and little."

If you're fortunate, your mother is merely reminiscing about her youth and beauty.  That's understandable.  A woman has children, life changes, we age...and ta-da!  You're no longer your little 100lbs self anymore.  However, if you're not so lucky, your mother was making those statements in order to make you feel bad about yourself.

I was not exposed to this growing up.  Sure, my mom was a tiny little thing when she married my dad at only 19, and she has mentioned it.  But I don't remember any sort of comparison game.  Here is how it is known for far too many women:

"When I was your age, I was so skinny, only 100lbs, and cute.  Why aren't you?  You really should lose some weight, honey.  If I was that way at your age....."

And so right off the bat, we're learning that genetically speaking our mothers were capable of being much skinnier and prettier than you, and so logically you should be just like her.  And if you're not, you're a disappointment.  Our body comparison game starts at a very young age with our own mothers.

But you are your own person.

You may have been taught conditional physical self love by your mother, but you can teach yourself better self love.  

I consider myself a realist, and therefore I don't expect someone to have unconditional self love.  I really don't.  I believe we have a better chance at giving unconditional love to another person than to ourselves.  Doesn't seem to make any sense, does it?  But it's true.  It's so much easier to hate yourself.  Especially your body.  Especially your body when you've gained weight, or feel like you're too skinny, or have terrible acne or cellulite or wrinkles...the list goes on.  There are so many reasons to turn on yourself.

So let's refocus.  You may not be able to have 100% unconditional self love, but there are ways that you can show yourself you love you.  Sometimes it's as simple as getting a massage or spending time reading a book.  Just avoid using food, exercise, and/or anything related to weight loss/gain as your source of self-love.  It should have nothing to do with your weight or your beauty.  Because that's not allowing any down time from your bombardment of self criticism.  However, when you allow yourself to escape from the everyday, then you can think about the things you love about yourself.

Oh how I love me...let me count the ways.

No, really, do it.  Count the ways. Write them out.  You like it when someone compliments you, right? Then do it for yourself.  And if you learn to do this for yourself efficiently, it will make it easier to weather the times when we're losing our love for ourselves and remind ourselves why we love us.

Taking a Blog Break

Dear Readers,

I am going to be taking a break from my blog for a while.  I've come to the understanding that I am fighting moderate to high levels of anxiety.  Levels of anxiety that sometimes affect my performance at work, translates into physical pain, and makes my social life non-existent.  Simple things like wanting to commit to writing a blog once a week can snowball into a huge mass of underlying anxiety for me.  Why?  Because I wanted to make a commitment and when I feel like I fail at the commitment my anxiety sky rockets.  If you don't experience it, it's difficult to explain.

I'm working towards relieving myself of this subconscious, unintentional, and yet sometimes paralyzing anxiety.  That's doesn't mean that I won't continue to write when it strikes me, but regular commitments are too stressful for me right now.

So I'm off to do some yoga/deep breathing and a trip to the library for some peace and quiet to try to learn to turn my brain off (much easier said than done).

See ya when I see ya!

The Story of Your Body

I spent this last weekend out in the country and had some free moments to myself to reflect.

There was a moment where I paused in the full length mirror and saw the 31 year old that I am.  I like the way I look, but for the first time I realized that my body looks a little different.  Meaning, it occurred to me that I don't look 18 anymore.  I was looking at a 30-something's body, and guess what?

I smiled.

Back in high school my favorite singer/songwriter was Ani DiFranco.  I own approximately ten of her albums.  I've definitely not kept up with her music like a devoted teenager would, but her songs have always stuck with me.   There was a certain lyric from her song "Jukebox" that came to mind.

her hair bears silent witness

to the passing of time

tattoos like mile markers

map the distance she has gone

winning some, losing some

I know some cancer survivors personally and on their bodies are scars.  Some are surgery scars, some are "tattoos" on their bodies used to mark where the chemo laser would need to be pointed every time.  Signs that their bodies have survived.

A more public example would be Elly Mayday.  

A college friend of mine sent me to a website telling her story.  At 25 years old she is battling cancer.  Although she started as a plus-size model for Forever Yours Lingerie (https://foreveryourslingerie.ca/), one year later Elly was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  She most recently underwent a nine hour operation to remove stomach cancer.  The owner of the Canadian lingerie company decided she wanted to show Elly as is.

Her bald head and scar on her stomach were left for everyone to see.  If you take a gander at their website, you will be very encouraged at the use of models of all sizes.  As a side note, there are images of Elly as is, but also wearing wigs and photoshopped.  They do so, because she requested that she continued to be viewed as a model, and not just a model with cancer.

But here's where I'm going with this...

Our culture only values youth and perfection, but I don't.  I smiled at my 31 year old body, because it has experience.  It's traveled with me and been a home for my soul, and I like that there are scars and bumps.  It shows that I've won some, and I've lost some.  Others may look at their bodies and see the battle of the weight, but why not feel proud of the body that has given you so much life?  Do we not respect those with wisdom?  Then why don't we respect our aging bodies?  

Where has your body been?  What do you have to show for it?

Why Marilyn was and isn't a Size 14

This is a short little blog (lots going on in Miss Blogger's world), but I've seen some frustrating posts online (and have for some time) regarding sizing for one particular Hollywood bombshell for quite some time.  I've decided to clear the air for my readers.

Often times when speaking of embracing curves, men and women alike will refer to Marilyn Monroe.  And why wouldn't you?  She was beautiful...and yes, curvy.

Marilyn's measurements are said to have been approximately 34/28/37.  But she was a size 14 (some say 12, some say 16).  So before you go and get confused, allow me to explain.

Pattern companies stopped adjusting sizes in the 1960s, but retail kept vanity sizes changing as we got larger.  Today, Marilyn would be approximately a size 6.  Yes, it's true.  But if she were to make a dress from a pattern she would still be a size 14.

Back at a costume store I used to manage, we had an authentic, vintage 1950's size 8 dress.  The waist measurement?  A whopping 23".  TINY.  So tiny, I never saw it rent, but one time for a middle school production.  And I believe the girl was maybe 12 years old.

I know that citing Marilyn Monroe creates a lot of frustration, because most people don't know the way of the retail/design world.

So to end your frustration once and for all:

Yes, Marilyn was a 14.  And yes, Marilyn is a 6.  Funny the difference a few years can make.

Why the High Fashion Runway Won't Change

We all know that runway models are starving themselves for their jobs.  They eat paper, only drink water, and smoke to help burn away the last of the calories.  But these standards were not set forth by the models, but rather the designers and agencies who employ them.

Last year the Council of Fashion Designer of America, presided by famous designer Diane Von Furstenburg, created a list of regulations to help crack down on unhealthy models.  These regulations monitor the women's BMI, diet, exercise, and age.  Unfortunately, these "regulations" aren't laws, they are merely strong recommendations.

So why do other designers insist on their models being only 13 years old and weighing in at 98lbs?  As a former costumer and designer, it's easy to see why.

They need a living hanger.

I hate to reduce any human being to an object.  After all, wasn't it a curse in Beauty and the Beast??  But it's true.

When you begin designing for real women, it requires much more tailoring and thought.  Not every woman looks good in everything (as we all know far too well).  So how do you make all of your clothes look good no matter who is wearing them?  You make sure the people wearing them don't look like women.  As a designer, especially a very conceited one, you don't want your audience admiring the woman or being distracted by how a certain garment fits on her.  You want the entire focus to be on your work.  Also, sample sizes are just that: they create these haute couture pieces in only one size.  A very small size (less fabric = less work), and you have to fit the dress not the other way around.

In a nutshell, it's harder to design for real women.  And the ego of some designers don't want to think about function.  Imagine all of the stupid weird things you've ever seen come down a runway:

These clothes are their artistic expression.  They can't be bothered with practicality.  If you've never met an egotistical fashion designer, you're lucky.  The ones with egos are unbearable.  And a common trait is "My Way or the Highway" kind of mentality, because the simpletons that the rest of us are don't understand the art that is parading in front of us.

And this is why it won't change for high fashion.  Practical fashion designers are starting to listen to their audience and hiring *gasp* size 4's...on occasion.  But all fashion starts with high fashion and trickles its way down (historically speaking it's always been that way).  So as long as deranged artists are designing, the people wearing the clothes are of no consequence.  They just need a hanger to get their clothes down a runway.

PC Disclaimer: Since no one is EVER permitted to generalize...this is my politically correct statement to ensure my readers that I do not believe that ALL high fashion designers are egotistical and don't care about their models.  However, if the vast majority were not, would we even be having this debate?

 

The "Plus Sized" Stigma

I'm ringing in the new year with my wonderful blog readers!  I took a little time off for the holidays, and I hope yours was as wonderful as mine.  Thank you for supporting me in 2013, and I plan to continue my commitment in 2014 to continue writing.

My blog this morning is spurred by a visit to a website.  I am a subscriber to the site AdoreMe.com.  It's a monthly bra/panties/lingerie website that is like Shoe Dazzle for underwear.  I went to look at my January "Showroom" where they put together styles they think you may like in your size.  Every month, I'm reminded that because I'm a 34DD I am plus sized.

I feel so torn about this term.  Sometimes I feel as though you might as well say, "This is the fat page."  Here is the difference in the models:

"Regular Model"

"Plus Sized Model"

I have to admit, I feel more comfortable looking at the "Plus Sized" model.  I feel as though I can relate to her better, and the set is more likely to look on me like it does on her.  I look at the "regular" model, and I can't relate.  So I like that there different sizes of models.  Gives thinner girls an idea as to what the clothing will look like on them, and my plus size girl lets me know if I am going to look good in what I order.

When you look up the definition of plus sized in the fashion world there isn't exactly one set size.  But a size 8 is considered ideal.  

Size 8.

Now it's easy to say, "Are you saying that size 8 is fat??"  And get defensive about it.  After all, why can't we just be "normal" sized.  Plus Sized models have the same type of requirements that regular fashion models do.  They have to be at least 5'7" and they have to be hourglass.  They're not going to mess with pear shaped, rectangular shaped, etc.  They are still looking for the most beautiful of the beautiful.

But some people don't see it that way.  

Some people see supporting plus sized as supporting obesity.  So I ask those...is a size 8 obese?  I hope not.  I think that's a normal size for some women.  Not all of us are athletes with metabolisms of Olympic proportions.  And a lot of us work...A LOT.  And very long hours.  VERY LONG hours.

There was an Australian blogger who decided to take up bloggers and plus size supporters like myself, and do a mock-up of what a  plus sized Barbie would look like:

I find this beyond insulting.  This is an example of how Plus Sized is equated to fat.  And that is why women are torn regarding that term.  So if I'm plus sized, I've now got more chins than a Chinese phone book?  Last I checked this is an example of a plus sized model:

Robyn Lawley

Are there obese people in our country?  Yes, of course.  We are becoming a large country that struggles with our weight.  But do I believe that being "plus sized" is unhealthy?  No, I don't.  Because your definition of plus sized may be different from mine.

What do you think of when you think of the term "Plus Sized?" Do you picture extreme obesity?  Or do you picture models I've pictured above?  Does the fashion industry feed you the lie that to be plus sized is to be "obese" in order to continue with their one definition of beauty?  They don't want to change.  It's harder to design and dress and real women.  Interferes with their artistic freedom...those curves do.

...but that's a blog for another day....

Sometimes acceptance is adjusting your definition and making your life subjective when your happiness is at stake.