Stop the Fat Talk, Fatty McFatty Fat

In many of my past blogs, I have talked about the power of positive self-talk.  Although my blog is focused on women accepting their physical, so much of our lives depend on the spiritual and mental.

I once heard that it takes seven positive comments to cancel one negative comment.  So this is what needs to happen for us on a daily basis:

But all too often this is what it is like in our heads:

We get so many negative reinforcements for our bodies' imperfections, that it will take time to learn to develop positive thinking.  I don't know about you, but most of my fat talk happens in front of the mirror.  I'll put on a outfit and the self deprecation starts pouring out.

"I look fat."

"I hate these love handles."  (Then I pull them back to imagine myself without them.)

"I can't believe these pants used to fit.  Way to go, Fatty McFat Fat."  (Yes, I've actually said that to myself.)

"So, Miss Blogger," you ask, "what do you find works for you?"  

I generally live my life surrounded by humor.  As my followers know, I am an actress.  My full time job is comedy.  So that's how I deal with it.  I turn it on myself.  I start making making funny faces and acting stupid until I realize how stupid I am in my self criticism.  In other words, I make a mockery of my fat talk.

Now I realize not everyone wishes they were the next Carol Burnett.  But there is power in knowing that the human mind is wired to process negative more than positive.  When you are self aware you can act towards correcting your behavior.  Write post-it notes to yourself and put them on your mirror.  Write things like, 

"You look great today."

"Smile."

"Did you cut your hair?  It really brings out your curves."  (Ok, so that one's my stupid humor creeping back in, but if it works for me why couldn't it work for you?)

Take a look at some statistics:

It is also proven that we believe people who spout negative comments are smarter.  Why?  We tend to believe that someone who can make critical comments have a higher level of analysis than the average person.  Have you ever noticed that most people hate others who seem to always be happy?  They're annoying, right?  And they come across as shallow.  But put a hyper critical person behind a cup of coffee with a dose of passion and suddenly you have the next Einstein.  Sitting in a group of other women and rattling off criticism of your body doesn't make you smarter, wiser, or more self-aware.  You may think they're all thinking it about you, but chances are they weren't analyzing you if they're your friends.  (Strangers will always put down others to make themselves feel better.) 

But guess what Einstein actually said:

That's right.  Psychologists have linked happiness with people who create progress.  But a setback (even a minor one) jeopardizes everything you have created.

Progress doesn't have to be anything big.  It could have to do with weight loss.  Say, for instance, only eating dessert once a week.  (My chocolate monster brain just screamed at me for that one.)

Or make goals at work, with your family, your home...whatever you would like.  When you are creating a life of progress you are creating happiness.  But understand that setbacks are part of life, and this is where your mind is more powerful than the chaos that surrounds it.  

In high school, my photographer teacher was an understated man.  He fought in Vietnam and struggled with dyslexia when no one understood the disorder.  His advice for me?

Happiness is a choice.

My high school brain didn't understand, but as an adult I absolutely agree.  You have the power within your mind to create happiness.  Fat talk will do nothing for you or your life.  Create progress for yourself, and then overcome your setbacks with the mental positive.  

I believe you can do it.  

You are stronger than you think.

And your hair cut really does bring out your curves.

Body Type Stereotypes

There was recently a mother of three who posted a picture on Facebook that created a huge reaction.

I personally believe her approach to encouraging a healthy lifestyle was offensive.  Many mothers of three (and even single women like myself) can think of MANY reasons why it is difficult to get to a gym.  Sometimes I am too tired to get myself to the grocery store much less work out, because I've had four 15 hour days in a row.  I'm not complaining about my job.  I love it, but it is time consuming.  And to have someone flaunt their abs in your face and use a phrase that belittles those that don't look like her is infuriating.

Are we all imposing body type stereotypes upon one another?

Is this a classic case of misunderstanding on both sides?  Is she assuming that you are lazy because you aren't sporting a six pack and headed to the gym 4-5 times a week?  Are we assuming that she's unsympathetic and cruel because she's beautiful and in shape?

Behind every physical is an emotional story.

Maria Kang was banned from Facebook for a short time, because after the backlash towards her photo she then began a crusade against obesity in our country.  Again... she used inflaming language and rather than encourage she seems to always have a tinge of hate towards those that are overweight or not in great physical shape. 

However, if you take the time to visit her website, you will discover that she struggled with bulimia, and is angry that her mother died at an early age with multiple health problems.  Her latest entry is entitled "Sorry but not sorry."  Well, that's not much of an apology.  In fact, it's not one.  

http://www.mariakang.com/2013/11/26/sorry-but-not-sorry/

I believe this woman is merely on a crusade to heal her own personal wounds.  She is bitter and angry at her mother's early death and blames it on obesity.  She is still battling the physical despite that she is healed from bulimia.  

May I say that I, in no way, condone living an unhealthy lifestyle.  But my blog is for the uplifting.  There are times in every woman's life when we will gain weight or lose weight.  But our self importance should not rely on the physical.  Maria Kang is another example how our emotional status directs impacts our physical.  

Take care of not only your body, but your mind and spirit as well.  Don't make assumptions about a person based on the physical.  This woman is not setting people off because of her message to be healthy or her beauty.  To be angry with a woman for that is pure jealousy.  She is angering people, because she is emotionally hurt.  And she is taking her anger out on those that are overweight.  The same thing happens to women who are overweight, and lash out at the slim women who criticize them.

Health is more than just the body.  Just because you are physically fit doesn't mean you are "healthy."  And just because you have a few extra pounds doesn't mean you are "unhealthy."  If you keep your mind and emotions healthy your body image will follow.

       

Perfection is Depression

Binge eating or unhealthy eating habits can often grow from anxiety or depression.  Or sometimes it's the opposite: you are anxious or depressed and a means of controlling your life is through food.  Outside of a clinically diagnosable depression or anxiety disorder, women feel elements of this all the time.

How many times have you ever gone to your closet for a special night out and tried on 10 different outfits?  And in every single one you felt fat?  If you're in that situation, here is what I suggest:

1.  Take a deep breath.  Walk to your bed, sit down, and breathe.  Cry if you need to.  It's going to be OK.  It's just clothes.  No matter how much pressure you're feeling to look perfect, perfection is unobtainable.  There are thousands of other women that very moment feeling the way you do.

2.  Give yourself positive talk.  Say it out loud literally.  Talk to yourself.  Tell yourself things like, "You look pretty."  "Your smile is beautiful."  "I am a beautiful person."  Again take a good cry if you need to.  Sometimes telling yourself out loud that you are beautiful makes you want to cry, because you don't believe it.  Keep saying it.  Keeping crying.  Until you can look in the mirror and smile.

3.  Count your blessings.  Think of all of the wonderful things in your life.  Don't think you have any?  Think again.  Try harder.  You have a home.  You can see, breathe, and feel.  There is always something to be thankful for.

4.  Pray.  For those readers that do not believe in God, I ask of you, "What does it hurt?"  Try it.  Sure you'll have that inner voice saying, "This is stupid.  There's no one listening."  Take your time.  Open your mind.  Talk like you're talking to your father.  If you didn't have a father in your life, think of your greatest mentor.  Talk like you're talking to that person.  Let it all out and ask for help.  Don't know how?  Here is an example:

Dear Lord,

I don't know if you're listening right now, but if you are I'm feeling pretty low.  I don't feel like I'm worth anything.  I look so ugly in everything I put on.  I don't even want to leave my house.  I hate myself.  Please help me.  I feel so lost.  I feel so ugly.  Take this from me.  Please free me from these feelings.  I don't want to feel them anymore.

Thank you.

Now go to your favorite outfit, that will make you feel comfortable, and try again.  This time smile.  Because you're beautiful, real, and full of life.

Here's what not to do:

1.  Drink.  Alcohol only enhances your sensitive emotions before it numbs it away.  It's only a band-aid.  You've got to change the way you think, not run to drink.

2.  Sleep with a man.  I've said before that a good man who encourages you and makes you feel beautiful is a great thing.  But don't forget that as women, we don't heal through the physical.  We heal through our emotions.  If you are feeling ugly, the worst thing to do is sleep with someone just to feel pretty.  You'll feel even uglier in the morning.  Spend time with a man and enjoy his company, but abstain.  Nothing makes a woman feel prettier than a man who respects her.

3.  Binge.  This is a tough one for me.  I'm an emotional eater.  When I'm feeling upset, I like to indulge in a nice tub of ice cream...with chocolate sauce...and whipped cream.  Pay attention to what your mind is telling you.  "Go get that chocolate shake.  It'll make you feel better."  Yes, yes, it will make me feel better, but then after I eat it I'll feel fat all over again.  Definitely not the result you're looking for.

4.  Not eat.  Just as some women eat food to feel better, some women abstain from food to feel better.  If they're stomach isn't growling then they aren't punishing themselves enough.  Hunger is not control.  You aren't going to lose those 15 lbs by starving yourself for the one night.

Smile.  Relax.  And now here is a little video to make you feel confident and beautiful:

http://queenbeetrusty.kinja.com/if-you-didnt-like-katy-perrys-roar-before-you-will-1461879323

Burlesque Baby

Over the weekend, I experienced my second ever burlesque show.  The first one I ever saw was very old school, and they stopped at bras, underwear, and hose.  This particular burlesque show that I saw over the weekend was just one of the many performances that night.  There were other acts like poetry, bands, belly dancing, sword fights, etc.

I was asked by my sister once, "How can you support things like corsets?"  To be honest, I love corsets.  I'm a costumer.  I have a huge love for historical clothing.  The difference between history and corsets today is the purpose.  Victorian corsets, for example, were used to give an "S" shape to the woman's body.  An 18" waist was highly sought after.  This is obviously not healthy, and in no way do I condone that sort of corset wearing.  However, there is something about a steel boned corset worn for fashion that I love.

So where are you going with this, you ask?

Here is what we're sold is a beautiful burlesque dancer:

And there's no doubt she's a stunning woman.  I mean, her face has been airbrushed to the point of looking like a plastic doll and probably so has the rest of her.  But this is more along the line of what I saw that night:

I was surprised at what I saw.  They were REAL women.  They weren't in great shape necessarily.  They were curvy everyday women stripping down to pasties and underwear.  One woman must have been a size 16 or so.  And people were riveted.

One of my first thoughts was, "Wow, that takes guts."  Think about it.  How many of you would be willing to get up on a stage and strip down like that?  Not for money, but as an art form.  If you took a look at the men in the audience, they were enjoying every moment.  Was the woman on stage necessarily his "type?"  Maybe not, but it proved something to me that I've heard men say for a long time that I never quite connected.

Those women were beautiful because they were confident.

They had real boobs, real booties, thick thighs, and they worked it.  Uber-feminists may say it's demeaning to do something like burlesque.  And I can see where they're coming from.  After all, you are exploiting your body for entertainment.  The other side of the coin, though, it is a sort of empowerment.

When a woman is confident and sexy it is empowering.  I think every woman should have a taste of that sort of empowerment.  Sexy doesn't mean you have to be in just pasties.  It could mean that little black dress in the back of your closet.  Do I think that women should be nothing but sex objects?  Absolutely not.  But you deserve to feel beautiful.

The other thing that I especially liked about watching real women with real bodies was I didn't feel bad about myself.  I felt like they were one of the girls, and I was impressed by them.  They hadn't felt the need to alter their bodies to feel sexy, confident, or beautiful.

Look at her...don't tell me she isn't beautiful...

If we were constantly surrounded by images of real women, I would bet a million dollars that we wouldn't feel so bad about ourselves.

And what a wonderful world that would be.

Let's Hear It for the Men

This blog is for the men and the women who love them.

When my blog regarding the thigh gap went live a friend of mine shared my link on a Facebook post from a news station who happened to be covering the thigh gap trend.  Along side her comment were other comments that got me thinking.

A lot of the time, us women try to outdo other women, but that doesn't mean we also aren't in it for the boys.  Let's talk about what separates the men from the boys and express a little bit of gratitude.

Probably about 80% of the men that responded to the thigh gap posting said they like thigh gaps.  Now, granted, only a handful of men responded.  Most of the responders were women.  There were a couple of boys in particular who were getting the women burning mad. (The names have been changed to cover up for the guilty...sort of.)

Sam: My girl has a thigh gap, and I love it!

Joe: (referring to loving a thigh gap) Anyone else who disagrees is probably just "fat" and not attractive.

Joe: (referring to a woman who got angry) Lol she ain't got one so she's mad lmao

Sam: @ Joe LMAO 

If I have to tell you that these are the boys, then you have a lot to learn.  Men and boys, you have no idea how much power you have over us emotionally when it comes to our bodies.  If these boys are in relationships these messages written in humor and fun from their end can have a devastating affect on their women.  These two have now laid down perimeters for their women, and they don't even know it. They have now told their women in an indirect way,

"If you lose your thigh gap you are fat and undesirable."

I have experienced both sides of the coin in my short 31 years.  I once dated a guy while I was a size 8. Previously he had always dated girls that were naturally very thin.  Guess I was the curves experiment. And he liked the experiment...a little too much.  When I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia, my diet had to change.  No more fried foods, processed meats or cheeses, caffeine, or sugar.  I naturally dropped a size.  Just one size.  But he wasn't having it.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"You're getting too skinny."

It was out of my control.  That was who I was then, and there was nothing I could do to get those curves back. 

Fast forward several years, and I'm in great shape and a size four.  Photographers loved working with me, and I did several sets of modeling.  Nothing really official except for a Susan G. Komen ad.  But I always hesitated to let any potential guy see my modeling photos.  Why?  If they saw me in that light it was like their brains exploded and they would introduce me to their friends as their girl that models.  Never mind the fact that I graduated college Suma Cum Laude.  I don't think they cared to know.  One guy in particular would have me flex my muscles (yes, I actually had them at the time), and was working to make sure I understood that I was to not gain any weight while dating him.

That didn't last long.  I decided he was the extra weight I needed to lose.  I couldn't hold a candle to his ex-wife who used to dance on tables, left him, and ran off to Vegas to marry some other guy.  She was thin and beautiful, you see.  And that's what really mattered.

The boys will put pressure on your physical appearance.  I would like to point out that the first guy (after I broke up with him) ended up losing a lot of weight and came crying back to me that I loved him even when he was "fat."  Well, he hadn't done the same for me when I lost weight.

Now let's move to the men.

Poor men.

You just can't win.  But what makes you a man is that you never stop trying.

Every man knows they can't win the "Does this make me look fat" question.  So I'm going to give you a little insight to us women.

We need you to say, "You're beautiful.  I love the way you look."

We will probably cry, say "No I don't," slam the door to the bedroom, and give up on going out.  Unfortunately, you have to understand that most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.

But keep saying it.  Please keep telling us.  Hold us and tell us we're beautiful.  And let us sit on the sofa wearing sweats and eating ice cream while we watch a movie with you.  It doesn't go unnoticed.  It sure may feel like it.  It may feel like you can't win and anything you say is wrong, but it is going into our minds.  It is being processed.  And the next time we hear one of our girlfriends saying that their boy is making them feel like less of a person, we'll say, "My man isn't like that.  He thinks I'm beautiful even when I look awful."

Ladies, tell your men you appreciate them.  Let them know that sometimes your emotions and insecurities get the best of you.  After all, this entire blog is devoted to fighting the pressures of beauty that are dumped on us each and every day.  It's a lot to live up to, but a good man will make it a lot easier.

What is Curvespo and Fitspo?

In a previous blog I introduced to my readers a concept called "Thinspo."  It is combination of "thin" and "inspiration."  Tumblr does not condone Thinspo pages, but allow their users the right to self expression.

Thinspo is to serve as inspiration for women to be thin.  Healthy?  Maybe not necessarily.  As long as you're skinny, that is the main goal.  Eating less and exercising more is the mantra, which if you ask most trainers, the more you workout the more you need to consume healthy calories.  

Another type of inspiration is called "Fitspo."  In its truest form Fitspo sounds awesome.  They are images of women in great shape encouraging the reader and creator of the tumblr to be fit and beautiful.

I have concerns with Fitspro, however.  I mean, even communism looks good on paper, right?  If you compare Thinspo and Fitspo blogs/tumblrs you will notice that the images will sometimes cross over.  For those women who struggle with or are recovering from an eating disorder, I'm not sure that Fitspo images are having the affect that one would hope.  Remember the exercise more and eat less?  So this is the exercise more and the skinny pictures are the eat less part of that equation.  Unfortunately photos do not include a personal trainer ensuring that the viewer is eating the proper amount of calories to remain healthy.

The third and final inspiration is "Curvespo."

Curvespo inspires women to embrace their curves.  Most of the pages I viewed showed healthy, curvy women.  Although there is the alternative which showcases extremely obese women who are aiming to weigh over 500lbs.  I would call that more of a fetish lifestyle, and not the purpose of Curvespo.

Those opposing Curvespo would say that it encourages women to be overweight and unhealthy.  And I certainly did see those images.  Just as Fitspo, there's a dark side to everything that is meant to be good.

What I personally don't like about any of the three categories is that you will always have a person who cannot be what the pictures inspire.  Women who are naturally thin may never look like the Curvespo photos encourage.  Whatever the case may be, these photos of inspiration all have one thing in common: perfection.  They are images of other people that create an ideal.

Now I don't know if that's necessarily true that only 2% of women consider themselves beautiful, but I think it's probably a pretty accurate guess at any rate.  We cannot learn to love ourselves until we stop comparing ourselves to other people.  If you are glued to images of other women, you will never look like that...because you are not her.

It's good to appreciate beauty in others and give compliments.  Please do!  Give compliments freely!  But while you're at it, why don't you give a little compliment to yourself in the mirror.  That girl might like being called beautiful just the way she is too.

Mind the Thigh Gap

I very recently read a statistic that by the age of 17, a staggering 80% of girls do not like their bodies.  Most women can relate.  In fact, I'm not entirely sure that we ever "outgrow" that completely.  It's a sad culture that the majority of one sex is that uncomfortable with their physical selves.  Remarkably, most of it has very little to do with being attractive for men.  It's about being attractive for other women.

We are our worst critics.  In past blogs, I've tried to encourage my female readers to stop and think before you criticize another woman.  In high school, we all know how much worse it is vying for popularity and acceptance.

The newest phenomenon, which I have briefly touched upon in other blogs is the new trend of a thigh gap.

As the above photo indicates, a true thigh gap is when a woman is standing straight up with her feet together but her thighs don't touch.  This is considered very beautiful and desirable for our upcoming generation of girls and perhaps is affecting women in their 20s and 30s as well.

Physically speaking the only healthy way that a woman could achieve a thigh gap is if she naturally has wide hip bones.  I am one of those girls with the "child bearing hips" (thanks, mom).  But most women are not built that way.  Instead their hips are more narrow and thus if they ever achieved a thigh gap they would be underweight.

But take a look at the photos below:

These are merchandising photos from one of my all time favorite online stores, Modcloth.  I love that shop, because they carry a lot of unique clothes that are vintage and geek inspired (that's right up my alley in case you didn't know...).  They also carry some fantastic plus size styles.  But these pictures made my jaw drop.  How horribly photoshopped can one woman's body be?  The underwear photo is ridiculous.  They clearly just chopped the girl's body apart on the computer.  And the bra?  Whose boobs look like that?  Even fake ones?  No one's.  But do teenage girls know this?  Do you know this? After all, you were just shopping online and now this has subconsciously been sucked into your brain as beautiful and acceptable.  And if you order these particular undergarments, this is how you "should" look.

This is what happens when a girl tries to achieve a thigh gap:

Have you ever noticed that we're conditioned to think that we're supposed to weigh less than 120lbs?  All of us?  The lightest I have ever weighed was 135lbs. and I'm 5'4.5"  If I had lost more than 5lbs I would have been considered underweight, although I doubt I ever would have.  I was was pretty muscular.  And eating.  Definitely eating.  

But why?  Why are we "supposed" to be less than 120lbs?  And why are we ashamed when we're not?  Take a quick peek at this tumblr page that is dedicated to thigh gaps:    http://please-thigh-gaps.tumblr.com/

If you think thigh gaps in photos are hot, I would like to give you a good shake and tell you, "It's not real!!"  

Thigh gaps in photos are all about angles, body position, and lighting.  They are not a woman standing straight with her feet together.  When a person becomes underweight it can lead to a whole slew of health problems including brain function and heart health.  Imagine having a heart attack, because you wanted your thighs to not touch.

On a personal note, I've never been fond of my own thighs.  I'm a typical woman.  We all think our thighs are too big.  I'm not sure where we got that idea, but we seem to like it and hold onto it.  And guess what?  Nearly every guy I've dated has insisted they love the shape of my thighs.  Now I can either screw up my face and act like they've taken a crazy pill, or I can realize that they are telling the truth.  Even though I don't feel like they're very pretty when I sit down wearing shorts and see my thighs expand into huge gobs of flesh across my chair.  (Admit it...you other ladies know what I'm talking about).

So I would like to now take this time to readjust our thinking and take a look at some beautiful women rocking some beautiful thighs.

 Elizabeth Taylor

Marilyn Monroe

What is Feminism? **Contains Adult Content

*This blog contains pictures of adult nature.

What is feminism?

That's a loaded question that encompasses many varying aspects.  To try to summarize feminism in one blog would be a bit overwhelming.  However, there was a certain subject brought to my attention that has now spawned this blog.

If you don't know me personally, I'm a conservative woman.  I believe in a woman having the right to choose whether she wants to stay at home with her children or be an equal force in the workplace.  And I believe both are noble decisions.  Sometimes it is up to a woman to be mother, father, and breadwinner for her children.

This blog often chronicles my fight against "the media machine," which often paints an unrealistic image of beauty and tells our young girls to fulfill it.  I like to lean on the positive side and provide awareness of the ideals smothered into the air that we breathe.  In other words, I like to keep it real.

I will never be a bra burner.  I, personally, would like my boobs to stay somewhere in the vicinity of my chest for most of my life.

Most of my time is spent without make-up working hard, but I love to dress up in pretty heels, red lipstick, and a wiggle dress.  That's what makes being a woman fun.

My mind has been cranking around a certain feminist who is causing an uproar.  Her name is Petra Collins and she contributes to a women's blog on the Huffington Post website.

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/petra-collins/why-instagram-censored-my-body_b_4118416.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false)

 The two of us have many things in common when it comes to our beliefs of the damage that the Hollywood machine produces.  The over-sexualization of women is a large component of what we share in our beliefs.  And yet I hugely disagree with how she chooses to conduct her battle.

The article above chronicles how her Instagram account was shut down for this photo:

As you can tell from the photo, she has decided to go "all natural" with her personal grooming and is showcasing said decision.  She is personally offended by the commentary of people on how disgusting it is, and puts the blame back on the people making the comments.  Finger pointing aside, I ask of her, "What do you hope to accomplish with this photo?"  I would think her response would be something to the affect of, "I hope to break down the walls of stereotype and force people to accept something outside of the norm as beautiful."

She is also known for a controversial t-shirt wherein a drawing depicts a woman sexually pleasuring herself while menstruating:

As a fellow woman, I feel embarrassed.  

To me, this is nothing but convoluting the fight.

Let's refocus, ladies.  And I do mean it.  Let's be ladies again.

How can we ever expect to receive respect when we don't show ourselves respect?  Use your brains, your wit, and your abilities to accomplish great things.  Be a woman of charity and kindness, not a facilitator of controversy.  Be beautiful without belittling the temple that is your body.  Own your rights to your body from the beginning when you make the choice to be sexually active.  Reserve the right to say no, because you're a woman who wants more than a one-night stand.  Don't wait until you're already pregnant to decide to take responsibility for the gift of motherhood.

Think of the most powerful women in the world.  Do you think they would ever be associated with things so crude?  Consider any First Lady or world leader.  It would be beneath them, and it should be beneath you.

That doesn't mean you can't be pretty or sexy, but we all know that line between self-respect and none.  Your vagina has nothing to do with equality.  Isn't that the point?

So put it away and start looking up to better role models.

Video Retouching Leak

I've written in my blog about photoshop and how it is used rampantly in magazines.  Not for small things like pimples or bruises, but for major body touch-ups.  I don't think anyone is surprised by those adjustments.  We live with it, we know it exists, and yet it still gets under our skin.

There has been a leak from Hoax Films regarding the latest Britney Spears video, "Work B*#ch."  The studio allegedly pre-released some scenes from the video prior to the official release date.  After the video was released audiences began to notice that Britney was noticeably better toned and in better shape than the clips.

In the past Britney Spears has actually come forward and chosen to show altered photos of herself seen below:

She has spoken out against photoshop in the past, although her team of producers, managers, agents, etc., would never allow her to be seen without digital alteration.  But I find this latest expose shocking.

I honestly did not think nor consider the idea that film would be digitally altered in that way.  We already know that reality TV is far from reality.  Now we're learning that film is farther from reality than we could think.  Those stars moving around on your television and movie screens are altered.

Altered.

On a personal note, may I say, that's not fair.  It's not fair to the public.  It's infuriating how much of an ideal is set before us and is sold and created as being true.  It's no wonder that so many eating disorders exist.  Not even these stars look the way they insist they do.

At award shows, don't be fooled.  Those celebrities have spent literally hours being tucked, pinched, and layered with make-up to appear perfect.  They've gone through crash "cleanse" diets.  And, of course, never rule out plastic surgery.

This is an intriguing article to read regarding the film altering industry, which is kept extremely hush hush:  http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/burning-britney-spears-only-star-put-digital-diet-014519004.html

We can't unlearn what is our culture.  It's permanently ingrained in us what is considered beautiful and perfect.  There is a part of me that wonders if Britney Spears purposefully let this leak.  She's been vocal in the past, and she is one of very few stars who has openly shown before and after photos.  Could this be her under-the-radar way of telling us how it really is?  Who better to trust that the one that nearly lost her mind due to the industry?  She would know best.

With this knowledge, how does that make you feel?  I feel cheated and lied to.  Granted, I understand that these celebrities are in great shape, especially since the camera really does add ten pounds.  But, again, we are being fooled.  Hollywood is selling us a fantasy, and we're buying it as reality.

We can't trust anything we see.

That weighs in my stomach like lead.

Lies at every photo.  In every film.

Where does it stop?  Or is it what we want?  Do we like buying the fantasy?  But the real question remains: do we really know where reality stops and fantasy starts?  And if we don't, what unfulfillable expectations have we created for ourselves?

Fat Actress

I first hit the stage at age 11.  Twenty years later, I'm still acting.  Anytime I see a stage, I have this internal need to be on it.  I'm one of those people who (I believe) was literally created to do what I do.  I don't think that's egotistical to say either.  It's in my blood.  I've fought hard in my adult life to be where I am today: performing, managing a theater, and providing entertainment year round.  But there was one point in my life when I almost quit it all.

After graduating college, I started auditioning for local theater.  It wasn't easy moving to a new city by myself.  Theater is a very small world and I was having a hard time being given a chance.  I did just enough to be one of those freak stories where I was seen on stage and the next day I had an agent.  This was the ultimate dream for a recent college grad.  But the rose colored glasses were shattered quickly.

It didn't take long for me to see the underside of the entertainment industry on a small scale.  Dallas is by NO means L.A., but it was enough for me.  When you are in your in your 20s in entertainment, you have to be beautiful and sexual.  If not, you won't get much.  That's the reality of it.  I found myself calling up my agent prior to a callback for a national host position, because I didn't believe in how it portrayed women.  They were bikini clad and taking body shots off of each other as they giggled.

With a small athletic hour glass figure, I was edited out of a test shoot for a possible national commercial because I was "fat."  There were other factors that quickly led me to the conclusion that film/commercial was not for me.

You may have recently heard Jennifer Lawrence reveal to Harper's Bazaar that she has been called fat. This was prior to her "Hunger Games" fame.  She's honest about how it hurt and still stings to this day. I have to admit, I have a big girl crush on J. Law.  One of the things that I, and most of her female fans, like about her is her irreverence for "the machine."  She's quirky and weird.  Definitely doesn't fit in.  And she's beautiful, fit, and FAR from fat.

(For more about her interview, click here: http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/jennifer-lawrence-being-called-fat-extreme-way-she-161505732.html)

Other actresses/entertainers have been called fat, such as Christina Aguilera, Christina Hendricks, Ashley Judd, and Lady Gaga just to name a few.  Remember Tyra Banks and her infamous bathing suit photo?  Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson were attacked for the weight they gained while pregnant.

There isn't a lot we can do to the stop the media machine.  For whatever reason, it is convinced that beautiful equals underweight.  Some days I consider that it might have been cowardly for me to quit film/commercial rather than fight.  I had an audition not too long ago (the first in YEARS in that medium), and all I could think about was how "fat" I was compared to the other women.  I've gained weight since my size four days, and I can't imagine myself ever being cast in a film or commercial now.

Since we can't stop the machine, we need to focus our thoughts against it.  It's easy to inhale what is on TV or the internet, but stop before you criticize next time.  What if you were in their position?  What if your weight defined you even more than it already does?  What if your job was determined by how much you weigh?  What if you lost your job because you gained 10lbs?

What do you think of the critiques of these entertainers?  Do they deserve that pressure as a sacrifice for the money and fame?

Abercrombie vs. H&M: Diversity or Exclusivity?

Abercrombie

When I was younger, Abercrombie was just getting going and its popularity was outrageous.  Personally I've never been a fan.  I don't like plastering company names all over my body, but most everyone owned at least one Abercrombie shirt.  I also never liked all of the naked people (sometimes minors posing so explicitly) to attract sales.  Admittedly, I have only stepped foot into an Abercrombie & Fitch store twice in my life.  I don't bother shopping there, because I am well aware that my butt won't fit in their pants.

And that's on purpose.

The CEO of the clothing chain, Mike Jeffries, purposefully does not want "fat" people in his store.  He recently made headlines, because he refuses to produce clothing in XL or XXL.  He has a firm belief that his clothing should only be seen on attractive, thin people.  It is his way of preserving his brand.  In an interview with Salon.com, he stated the following:

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either,” he told Salon.

In case you were curious as to what this man looks like (since he deems himself to be some sort of gauge for what is attractive), here is my gift to you:

Some critics have been very harsh on his physical appearance after what appears to be at least one facelift and numerous plastic surgeries, even comparing him to the elephant man. I don't believe anyone gains anything of worth by such statements, although he is receiving from the world what he puts into it. What I believe this picture shows more strongly is a man whose essence is occupied with the physical. The surgeries reflect a fear of aging (perhaps even a hatred). The amount of work that he has had done is directly correlated to his feelings that you are only important or "cool" if you are beautiful...on the outside.

In my personal opinion, this man is failing on many accounts: psychological struggles resulting in distorted physical appearance, lack of acceptance of diversity, and now plummeting sales, which I will address shortly.

H&M

In a previous blog, I wrote about H&M using mannequins that look more like real women.  They are now using models that look like real women too.

Jennie Runk, a size 12 and plus size model, was chosen as their 2013 swimwear model.

H&M is actively expanding their empire in America and just recently made online shopping available.  For all of those that shop H&M and couldn't understand why it took so long to order online there's actually a very simple explanation.  The company is headquartered in Norway, and they did not have a large warehouse in America from which to ship.  Without that warehouse the company would have been unable to 1) house the clothing for short shipping times/distances and 2) with farther shipping the prices would have to go up, which would go against the whole point of shopping H&M.

Who is Bigger?

And I don't mean number of stores.  Abercrombie & Fitch's sizes have been under scrutiny, so I took it upon myself to do some research on sizing available for A&F as well as H&M.

                                                                  H&M                  A&F

Largest Women's Sizes available:             24              L (38" bust/31" waist)  

Largest Men's Sizes available:              XXL Shirt          XXL Shirt      < Look!  They agree on something!

                                                                                    40 Pants             36 Pants         < That didn't last long...

I personally found the men's clothing sizes very interesting.  They will carry a XXL shirt for men, but only up to a 36 pant, which means that XXL shirt is really intended for bulky gym guys not the average man.  From my experience as a costumer for many years, most grown men are between 38-42 in pant size.  H&M also carries maternity clothing online as well.  Pregnant women wearing Abercrombie clothing would not adhere to Jeffries' ideals. 

Who's on Top?

I recently read an article by Reuters press chronicling Abercrombie's steadily decreasing sales.  In August this year, Abercrombie reported a drop in sales by a whopping 10%.  That's huge.  This particular article was blaming the drop on teen shoppers: not as many teens have jobs, they are choosing to spend on electronics instead of clothing, etc.  I think it's more than that.

The exclusivity that Jeffries has embraced as the driving force of his brand is now crippling his company.  Whether he likes it or not, the general public is starting to reject his branding concept and embracing that of companies such as H&M.  Why would you want to shop in a store where you are being judged?  It is a growing belief of mine that a company's success is directly related to the core values of those that operate.  It's what differentiates a great company.

Although I'm beyond disposable clothing (which is what H&M is), I fully support the decisions they are making as a company.  They have a mixture of models.  Do they sometimes use women that are still ridiculously skinny?  Yes, they do.  I'm not blind to that.  It appears to be inescapable in the fashion industry (although I don't know why).  Successful branding is based in the concept that you are creating a lifestyle that people want to live, and I do not want to live Jeffries' lifestyle.  It seems his theory that to try to include everyone will mean disaster is certainly not true.

Where will you choose to shop?

#beautyandthecurves #abercrombie #hm #womensissues #loveyourbody

You Gotta Start Them Young

Every time I take a break from my blog, I seem to get various signs to get back to it.  So I am recommitting to write a new blog once a week.  Who knew people actually really like what I write?

Sometimes when you write a blog, a strange phenomenon occurs.  You begin to notice trends.  I bookmark articles, pictures, etc. when I come across something that may pertain to my blog.  I started writing this particular blog on a totally different subject, but I couldn't get pass the infiltration of beauty and sex in little girls' toys and cartoons.  The list became so long, I decided it deserved an entire blog.

It's something a man won't understand.  From the time we're little, we are trained to be beautiful.  It's rare that someone compliments a little girl by saying, "You're so smart."  It's usually more along the lines of "You're so pretty."  Little boys are "cute" but that's not what counts.  What counts for a boy is his size and strength.

So let's put it all together.  Sometimes it takes putting it in one place for a person to say, "Wow, that's a lot.  Never thought about it."

We all know that Barbie is ridiculous.  This is a link to a series of computer graphics to compare Barbie to a real person:

http://shine.yahoo.com/photos/barbie-vs-real-women-artist-slideshow/

Now we have the Bratz dolls with big heads, LOTS of makeup, dyed hair, and somewhat inappropriate clothing...

Babe?  I realize it's a "funny" take on Bebe, but guess what?  It's not funny.

And Disney got in hot water again when they tried to sexualize Merida from Brave.  And by sexualize, I mean they shrunk her waist which in turn enlarged the appearance of her chest and hips.  They also dipped her neckline, enlarged her lips, and gave her bedroom eyes..  So much for a rugged tomboy...

All of a sudden our beloved young tomboy is a sultry looking 20-something.

When I was little I was obsessed with The Little Mermaid.  (Side note: It's about to come out again in theaters, and it's like I'm eight years old again.)  However, I was always painfully aware of Ariel's skinny size.  She has a ridiculously small waist and great perky seashell boobies.  Unfortunately, Ariel is apparently hot property, so I can't seem to download a basic picture of her.  Who knew?  So if you have a hard time remembering what she looks like: 1) shame on you, 2) we can't be friends, and 3) click the link below:

http://movies.disney.com/the-little-mermaid

But perhaps this artistic (purposefully grotesque) version would be more accurate:

http://hachiyuki.deviantart.com/art/Ariel-251165603

Now, listen, I LOVE me some Disney princesses.  I was a big girly girl growing up and still love to dress up.  But I am fully aware that when I used to swim in the pool pretending to be Ariel, I used to try to stretch out my body so I would be skinny like her.  For others that are not as self aware, the realization of where this obsession begins might help us to teach our daughters the difference between reality and fantasy.  And we should get our little boys on that band wagon as well.

Ole honest Abe can't tell a lie, but whether the following quote came from Kate Winslet or not (one of my personal favorites actresses), it's still a beautiful sentiment:

Now That THAT'S Done

My last blog was more of a stream of consciousness.  Welcome to my brain!  Scary place, I'm sure.

I wanted to share the realization that I had.  Yes, I emotionally eat.  Really happy or feeling sad, I like to eat.  I like to "reward" myself.  When I sat down to write that blog I was dreaming of indulging in some chocolate ice cream of any sort possible.  Yet, once I had finished the blog, the desire was gone.  I actually went to bed afterwards.  I didn't want it anymore.

That reaction got me to thinking...writing is my distraction.  It's a little surprising given all of my hobbies of reading, sewing, etc.  Writing is not something that I have ever pursued with a purpose...until recently.  Personal events in the past have motivated to try my hand at some writing: short stories, novels, blogs...

I believe each person has an outlet that they can use to distract themselves from their temptations knocking on their doors.  And when I say temptations, I mean more than just food.  Writing, for me, pulls me mentally away from any spiraling path that my brain seems to insist on pulling me down.  Ever feel like that?  Like your mind has decided on a thought pattern and it won't shut up!

What is that hobby or past time for you?  If it's exercising, I am eternally jealous (but only a little since I'm not a fan of working out).  You might enjoy writing like I do, or jewelry making, or it could be as simple as watching a movie.  Whatever it may be, I strongly suggest you find that interest that bumps your brain away from your obsession and into a higher/different level of thinking.

In the meantime, I am trying to lose some weight to feel a little better about myself.  But I don't want to listen to anyone about "You have to eat this or that."  What if I don't want to go without carbs for ten days?  I'm a Taurus, so I can very stubborn when I want to be.  And this is one area where I want to be.  In the past I had a very restrictive diet, so I'm on this kick of "You can't tell me what to eat!"  But it's been about two and a half weeks.  Not long I know, but I've been working out 4-5 times a week.  Nothing huge...just 20 minutes three days of the week and 45 minutes two days a week.  But I'm moving.  And I'm resisting sugar, fried foods, and fast food.  So far, it's going fairly well.  My pants fit more comfortably, so I guess that's a good sign.  I'm now in the phase where I'm not sure that it's worth it, because I'm not seeing fast enough results.  But I'm going to turn away from quitting so soon.

Which is why you find me writing this morning.  See where I'm going with this?