Finding Self Worth

Hello my wonderful Blog readers!

I apologize for the hiatus...as you know, sometimes life gets too busy!

There have been a lot of ups and downs in my life as of recently.  What a beautiful roller coaster life can be.  But with every dip, the peaks teach a new lesson to prepare you for the next.

About once a year, I dig out a book of mine that was written by one of my college professors Dr. Willard Tate.  He passed away from cancer several years back, but he lived a long, full life.  He traveled as an inspirational speaker in his later years.  The thing about Dr. Tate was that he was a simple yet wise man.  This book that I read on an annual basis is called "Learning to Love."  I recently read this book again, which got me thinking as usual.

In my own life, I have witnessed others struggling with a sense of self worth.  For all of us, the world tells us that there are three standards by which we qualify as worthy: achievement, intelligence, and appearance.

Achievement

As a woman, I don't know about you, but I often feel as though we are expected to make great achievements, without achieving too much.  We are told that a man's fragile ego cannot accept a woman that he considers more successful than him.

Or there's the world of the gold diggers.  Or the false perception of one.  Women are not expected to want a man who can provide for a family, because that would base her love on his achievements, which may or may not be true.

If we struggle with our own personal achievements, we lower our own self-worth.  We don't find ourselves worthy for a man.  However, this affliction is probably more commonly felt by men.

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level One.

Intelligence

Now let's be honest...this is the most hypocritical category for women.

When we are young, we are taught to be dumb is to be popular and cool.  I remember often holding my tongue or purposefully saying things with a valley girl voice to try to fit in.  Intelligence equals an easy target for bullies when we are young.  Then suddenly in our late twenties the world changes its mind.  Suddenly we're supposed to transition into amazing brilliant women.

I've been stuck in the in-between world of intelligence in my own life.  When I was in elementary school, I would consistently receive 95s and 100s on my tests.  So they tested me for advanced learning.  Guess what?  I failed.  By three points.  With the insistence of my teacher they put me in the advanced "Gifted and Talented" class.  That's right.  At a young age, we are separated into our sectors. Unfortunately, my "intelligence" lies in writing, reading, and creativity; and the advanced classes focused on math, logic, and science.  I bounced back and forth with my self worth regarding my intelligence: in regular class I was the smartest, but in advanced classes I was the dumbest.

Make up your mind, world!  Do you want us smart or dumb?

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level Two.

Appearance

This is it, ladies.  This is the big one for us.

As women we are taught that we can forgo the intelligence and achievement as long as we have the appearance category in spades.  What a deal!!  Men require all three, but we can get away with one.  But what a devastating one thing that can be.

At what cost do we work to maintain that worthiness?  Especially if we feel as though we can't reach a respectable self-worth through our intelligence or achievement?  In fact, how often is it taught that a dumb but pretty girl is more desirable?  Or that a woman only needs to conquer a man as her sole achievement?

As Dr. Tate writes in his book, "...how do you suppose the story would have read if she had been Sleeping Ugly?...the whole point of the story was that she was beautiful.  Otherwise, the prince would have let her sleep forever."

And yet, the more attractive a woman, the more negative feedback she receives from fellow women.  An extremely attractive woman is not expected to be a highly intelligent scientist or business woman.  In fact, it is more difficult for an extremely attractive woman to be taken seriously in the business world.  Aren't they supposed to be simply a trophy?  Why should they try to accomplish more?  Leave that to the women who lack in appearance.

As one of my favorite songwriters, Ani DiFranco, sang, "God help you if you are an ugly girl.  Of course too pretty is also your doom.  Everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room."

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level Three.

So where am I going with all of this?  As long as you spend your time working to achieve your self-worth based on the standards of the world or a certain society, you will never win.  You will always lose at some point in your life.

Your self-worth is greater than anything of this world.  You were created perfect in every way.  PERFECT.

"Your Self Worth is a gift."

Because you are created in God's image, you don't have to earn anything, you already have it.  Any other way of gaining worthiness is unreliable and always changing.  Through God's unconditional love and grace you have a worth that no one can ever take from you.  You can lose a job, have a learning disability, or be an amputee.  Despite all of that, you have a soul that is far more valuable and lives eternally.  Shouldn't you be more focused on your soul's worth since it will be around far longer?

Try this to help you adjust to this idea: write on a small notecard that you can put in your purse or pocket I am a child of God.  Read it all throughout the day.  When you feel unworthy or low.  Reach for that card.  Eventually your conscious mind will learn what your innate subconscious was created to know this whole time.