When my blog regarding the thigh gap went live a friend of mine shared my link on a Facebook post from a news station who happened to be covering the thigh gap trend. Along side her comment were other comments that got me thinking.
A lot of the time, us women try to outdo other women, but that doesn't mean we also aren't in it for the boys. Let's talk about what separates the men from the boys and express a little bit of gratitude.
Probably about 80% of the men that responded to the thigh gap posting said they like thigh gaps. Now, granted, only a handful of men responded. Most of the responders were women. There were a couple of boys in particular who were getting the women burning mad. (The names have been changed to cover up for the guilty...sort of.)
Sam: My girl has a thigh gap, and I love it!
Joe: (referring to loving a thigh gap) Anyone else who disagrees is probably just "fat" and not attractive.
Joe: (referring to a woman who got angry) Lol she ain't got one so she's mad lmao
Sam: @ Joe LMAO
If I have to tell you that these are the boys, then you have a lot to learn. Men and boys, you have no idea how much power you have over us emotionally when it comes to our bodies. If these boys are in relationships these messages written in humor and fun from their end can have a devastating affect on their women. These two have now laid down perimeters for their women, and they don't even know it. They have now told their women in an indirect way,
"If you lose your thigh gap you are fat and undesirable."
I have experienced both sides of the coin in my short 31 years. I once dated a guy while I was a size 8. Previously he had always dated girls that were naturally very thin. Guess I was the curves experiment. And he liked the experiment...a little too much. When I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia, my diet had to change. No more fried foods, processed meats or cheeses, caffeine, or sugar. I naturally dropped a size. Just one size. But he wasn't having it.
"Why aren't you eating?"
"You're getting too skinny."
It was out of my control. That was who I was then, and there was nothing I could do to get those curves back.
Fast forward several years, and I'm in great shape and a size four. Photographers loved working with me, and I did several sets of modeling. Nothing really official except for a Susan G. Komen ad. But I always hesitated to let any potential guy see my modeling photos. Why? If they saw me in that light it was like their brains exploded and they would introduce me to their friends as their girl that models. Never mind the fact that I graduated college Suma Cum Laude. I don't think they cared to know. One guy in particular would have me flex my muscles (yes, I actually had them at the time), and was working to make sure I understood that I was to not gain any weight while dating him.
That didn't last long. I decided he was the extra weight I needed to lose. I couldn't hold a candle to his ex-wife who used to dance on tables, left him, and ran off to Vegas to marry some other guy. She was thin and beautiful, you see. And that's what really mattered.
The boys will put pressure on your physical appearance. I would like to point out that the first guy (after I broke up with him) ended up losing a lot of weight and came crying back to me that I loved him even when he was "fat." Well, he hadn't done the same for me when I lost weight.
Now let's move to the men.
Poor men.
You just can't win. But what makes you a man is that you never stop trying.
We need you to say, "You're beautiful. I love the way you look."
We will probably cry, say "No I don't," slam the door to the bedroom, and give up on going out. Unfortunately, you have to understand that most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.
But keep saying it. Please keep telling us. Hold us and tell us we're beautiful. And let us sit on the sofa wearing sweats and eating ice cream while we watch a movie with you. It doesn't go unnoticed. It sure may feel like it. It may feel like you can't win and anything you say is wrong, but it is going into our minds. It is being processed. And the next time we hear one of our girlfriends saying that their boy is making them feel like less of a person, we'll say, "My man isn't like that. He thinks I'm beautiful even when I look awful."
Ladies, tell your men you appreciate them. Let them know that sometimes your emotions and insecurities get the best of you. After all, this entire blog is devoted to fighting the pressures of beauty that are dumped on us each and every day. It's a lot to live up to, but a good man will make it a lot easier.
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