Bikini Bridge is the new Thigh Gap

One of the purposes of my blog is to educate my bloggers and enforce a healthy body image.

Sometime last year I blogged about the thigh gap.  This desperation to be thinner than our bodies support runs rampant in our young ladies' lives.  And now there's a new culprit:

The Bikini Bridge.

What is a bikini bridge?  Urban Dictionary defines it as the following (bold my own emphasis):  

1. when a girl in a bikini lies down and her hip bones protrude well past their flat stomach causing their bikini bottom to stretch across and gap is formed for a beautiful view of their vaginal front also referred to as hood.

When I see a bikini bridge It makes my whole day better!

2.  An incredibly sexy phenomenon wherein bikini bottoms are suspended between the two hip bones, causing a space between the bikini and the lower abdomen. This potential view into the unknown can be further accentuated by a third structural element contributing to the bridge-effect, the mound.

Here's a visual for you:

Let me start by saying that when you are a certain size, there is a natural curvature to a woman's body that can cause her hip bones to pop a little.  The thigh gap is finally getting a bad name, however, it has been replaced with the "bikini bridge."  Now girls are looking to starve themselves to have their hip bones protrude.  The more that their bikinis don't touch their abdominal and go from hip bone to hip it is more desirable.  

Why is a skeletal figure considered beautiful?  The submitted descriptions of the bikini bridge on Urban Dictionary are very positive.  I can imagine that men like it, because they can peek right on down to your who-haw!  (That's Texan for vagina.)  There are now tumblrs devoted to bikini bridges, and most websites that I visited found this new phenomenon to be sexy and hot.

Believe it or not, the bikini bridge was started as an internet hoax.  Riding on the coattails of the thigh gap, a 4chan user decided to start a new body trend and this is what they came up with.  They created memes and propaganda to promote this new body "ideal."  And guess what?  The experiment worked.

All it took for our female youth to distort their view of a beautiful or covet an unobtainable body was to see one promoted online.  It shows how great of an influencer the internet is on our younger generations.  If we bombarde our girls with these images and tell them it's beautiful (whether we actually believe it ourselves or not), they will strive for that "perfection."  

My question is why do the images of curvier, more natural women not catch on?  Why does real not become a trend?  Why do we rebuke what is natural in favor for unnatural?  Our cultures define what is beautiful.  Is our culture so thin obsessed that any image of gaps on a woman's body is beautiful? How do we change that?  Why is it that something that was intended to be a joke has turned into an actual trend?  

What a long bridge we've crossed from our ancestors.

At the vanity, 1600-1650

#bikinibridge 

Beauty Starts in the Heart

As I continue to review some wise words written by those whose lives were exemplary in my eyes, I grow and learn more.

I have learned that when you start to think and do things differently it hurts.  To accept that you want to make a change in your life means to accept that you are willing to suffer.

It also means you will feel like a hypocrite.

Nearly every woman can identify with a lack of confidence for any myriad of reasons.  I have an exercise for you to try.

Get one of your best female friends, one that you trust with all your heart.  Have them sit across from you and stare you right in the eye and state, "You are beautiful.  Do you believe me?  Do you?"  Then bring the words to your mouth.  "Yes, I believe you.  I am beautiful."

For most women, it won't be words but tears that will come first.  Then when you get to the point where you can say the words, they will be alien and foreign.  Most of all, they won't be the truth, and you will feel like a liar.

Then put your shoulders back, lift your head, and smile.  It is scientifically proven that your self body language has a direct correlation to your confidence.  The disdain you feel from this exercise may be too much.

Hold on.

This is it.  This is the the suffering.  This is the change you are making.  With every birth is labor.  Put an effort in your looks, your posture, your smile.

You see, my dear blog readers, as I write this I feel like the largest of hypocrites.  I, like all humans, have my own hang-ups that hurt.  This is the path I am choosing to take.  I have made a choice to change now, and so I have committed myself to suffering.  I will take the difficult path for the bigger reward.

So I invite you to join me.  Let's spend our days focused on positive thoughts, beautiful smiles, and clean posture.  Let's build our confidence through our body...our very own enemy.  And when you're ready to give in, let's all hold each other accountable.  Let's always be able to look each other in the eye and say,

You're Beautiful.

I'm Beautiful.

Finding Self Worth

Hello my wonderful Blog readers!

I apologize for the hiatus...as you know, sometimes life gets too busy!

There have been a lot of ups and downs in my life as of recently.  What a beautiful roller coaster life can be.  But with every dip, the peaks teach a new lesson to prepare you for the next.

About once a year, I dig out a book of mine that was written by one of my college professors Dr. Willard Tate.  He passed away from cancer several years back, but he lived a long, full life.  He traveled as an inspirational speaker in his later years.  The thing about Dr. Tate was that he was a simple yet wise man.  This book that I read on an annual basis is called "Learning to Love."  I recently read this book again, which got me thinking as usual.

In my own life, I have witnessed others struggling with a sense of self worth.  For all of us, the world tells us that there are three standards by which we qualify as worthy: achievement, intelligence, and appearance.

Achievement

As a woman, I don't know about you, but I often feel as though we are expected to make great achievements, without achieving too much.  We are told that a man's fragile ego cannot accept a woman that he considers more successful than him.

Or there's the world of the gold diggers.  Or the false perception of one.  Women are not expected to want a man who can provide for a family, because that would base her love on his achievements, which may or may not be true.

If we struggle with our own personal achievements, we lower our own self-worth.  We don't find ourselves worthy for a man.  However, this affliction is probably more commonly felt by men.

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level One.

Intelligence

Now let's be honest...this is the most hypocritical category for women.

When we are young, we are taught to be dumb is to be popular and cool.  I remember often holding my tongue or purposefully saying things with a valley girl voice to try to fit in.  Intelligence equals an easy target for bullies when we are young.  Then suddenly in our late twenties the world changes its mind.  Suddenly we're supposed to transition into amazing brilliant women.

I've been stuck in the in-between world of intelligence in my own life.  When I was in elementary school, I would consistently receive 95s and 100s on my tests.  So they tested me for advanced learning.  Guess what?  I failed.  By three points.  With the insistence of my teacher they put me in the advanced "Gifted and Talented" class.  That's right.  At a young age, we are separated into our sectors. Unfortunately, my "intelligence" lies in writing, reading, and creativity; and the advanced classes focused on math, logic, and science.  I bounced back and forth with my self worth regarding my intelligence: in regular class I was the smartest, but in advanced classes I was the dumbest.

Make up your mind, world!  Do you want us smart or dumb?

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level Two.

Appearance

This is it, ladies.  This is the big one for us.

As women we are taught that we can forgo the intelligence and achievement as long as we have the appearance category in spades.  What a deal!!  Men require all three, but we can get away with one.  But what a devastating one thing that can be.

At what cost do we work to maintain that worthiness?  Especially if we feel as though we can't reach a respectable self-worth through our intelligence or achievement?  In fact, how often is it taught that a dumb but pretty girl is more desirable?  Or that a woman only needs to conquer a man as her sole achievement?

As Dr. Tate writes in his book, "...how do you suppose the story would have read if she had been Sleeping Ugly?...the whole point of the story was that she was beautiful.  Otherwise, the prince would have let her sleep forever."

And yet, the more attractive a woman, the more negative feedback she receives from fellow women.  An extremely attractive woman is not expected to be a highly intelligent scientist or business woman.  In fact, it is more difficult for an extremely attractive woman to be taken seriously in the business world.  Aren't they supposed to be simply a trophy?  Why should they try to accomplish more?  Leave that to the women who lack in appearance.

As one of my favorite songwriters, Ani DiFranco, sang, "God help you if you are an ugly girl.  Of course too pretty is also your doom.  Everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room."

Just can't win scenario unlocked: Level Three.

So where am I going with all of this?  As long as you spend your time working to achieve your self-worth based on the standards of the world or a certain society, you will never win.  You will always lose at some point in your life.

Your self-worth is greater than anything of this world.  You were created perfect in every way.  PERFECT.

"Your Self Worth is a gift."

Because you are created in God's image, you don't have to earn anything, you already have it.  Any other way of gaining worthiness is unreliable and always changing.  Through God's unconditional love and grace you have a worth that no one can ever take from you.  You can lose a job, have a learning disability, or be an amputee.  Despite all of that, you have a soul that is far more valuable and lives eternally.  Shouldn't you be more focused on your soul's worth since it will be around far longer?

Try this to help you adjust to this idea: write on a small notecard that you can put in your purse or pocket I am a child of God.  Read it all throughout the day.  When you feel unworthy or low.  Reach for that card.  Eventually your conscious mind will learn what your innate subconscious was created to know this whole time.

Fatten Your Horizons

I've promised for the longest time to write about our thin girls in my blog, and now's the time.

Before I move forward with this particular entry, I will declare that I will never use the word "skinny" unless I feel as though a woman is unhealthy and underweight.  For myself, and many thin girls, the word skinny has a negative connotation to it.  It's the word used to describe anorexics.  It alludes to someone who is not fit or taking care of themselves.  Perhaps I'm mistaken, but that's how I feel about it and this is my blog...so be it.

Moving along....

I was once shopping at my favorite haunt, Ann Taylor Outlet, and the girl who worked there had helped me a couple of times in the past.  She was extremely petite.  Most likely around 5'2" and I would have been shocked if she topped 100lbs.  As she folded my clothes, she had a sort of sad look on her face.  In an effort to lift her spirits I relied on small talk,

"You were right, I decided to go with the medium on that shirt.  It fits better."

This was my effort at giving her credit for knowing her customer.  I figured by saying you're good at your job, it would make her a little happier.  Instead, she looked at me, and said,

"I wish I could fit in the Medium.  Nothing fits me.  I always have to have everything altered."

Then it hit me.  She was so petite she couldn't shop in women's departments.  Her size dictated that she was not a grown woman but a child.

More often than not, there's no empathy for the thin ladies.

"Don't complain!  You're skinny."

"Please...if I looked like you I'd walk around naked all day."

"Just shut up.  I don't even want to hear about your skinny problems."

Our culture has trained us that being a size two or smaller is perfection, and therefore if that is what you are then you surely cannot be unhappy with yourself.  But take a moment to consider...

What do men, media, and other women happily and incessantly talk about?  Breasts.  If you are a naturally thin woman, chances are that you are not large chested.  It only makes sense.  That's not who you are meant to be.  And yet, what is more feminine than breasts?  Curves?  Another thing that thin women sometimes lack.  Yes, so they can fit in a size zero, that size doesn't guarantee their self-esteem or happiness.

How often do we associate happiness with dress size?  I'm here to tell you, the two do not correlate.  I will say that fitness and happiness go hand in hand, but some women are not meant to have D cup breasts and wear wiggle dresses.  But they can rock a sheath dress like no one's business.

So for my thin ladies out there...I hear you.  I don't want you to shut up.  I want to hear about your body struggles just like someone who struggles with being overweight.  Being smaller than a size two doesn't mean you don't have a voice.  It doesn't mean that you don't hurt or feel bad about yourself some days or most days.  I will tell you the same that I tell all other ladies: you are beautiful.  No matter what our world dictates to you that you "lack" or "need," you just be you and be proud of the majesty that is your body.  

The Fifteen Minute Mile

Patience is a virtue.  Patience usually infers that time is involved and lengthy amounts of time at that.

Then there are patients.  People who need healing.

Is it a coincidence that these two seemingly different words are pronounced identically in the English language?

Often times it is not how quickly we reach a goal, but the steps it took to get us there that matter more.  When we wait and go the distance, the finish line is not just a line in the sand.  It is a sculpture in our hearts dividing the time between where and who we were and what we have traveled.  Like a scar left on our skin, healed but never the same.

I've said in the past that you should never compare yourselves to others.  Each person's journey is their own.  Because some people can do a six minute mile, but a marathon is their challenge.  And some squeak out a fifteen minute mile, and their hearts are racing.  The important thing is that you're making the distance.

As you travel your personal journey - physically, spiritually, emotionally - run your own mile or your own marathon.  When it starts to hurt, you will learn to be a patient and gain patience.  Your muscles will ache, your heart will pound, but when you keep pushing you will be stronger.

"Boys Like a Little More Booty to Hold at Night"

A friend of mine shared this with me, and it's so fun I had to share it here.  Smile, ladies, because you're beautiful!!

My personal note:

Some people commented on the video that they feel as though it is talking down to or shaming naturally thin girls.  I can see where they feel that way.  I think the greater understanding is that when women push back at the media, it is often times mis-interpreted as saying that thin girls are not as good.  The push back is not at our fellow women who are a size two, but the size two pedestal of perfection that we are bombarded with on a daily basis.  So, we love our fellow thin girls, but the easiest way to say that we are not going to play by the media and fashion world's ways is to resist the "ideal" that they have set before us, which happens to be a size two.

Don't Rush the Physical

We've all read relationship advice columns.

They pretty much all say the same thing:

Don't rush the physical.  The best relationships are built starting on a spiritual and emotional level first.

Any relationship in life comes down to the concept of love: love for another and love for yourself.

Have you ever wondered why crash diets don't work?  Or why women resort to desperate methods to lose weight, including eating disorders?  Because you're trying to rush the physical.

Rather than jumping headfirst into shedding pounds, start with your spiritual and emotional love.  You will find your value in your soul first.  The famous Lucille Ball (one of my personal inspirations) has a well known quote:

"Love yourself first then everything else will fall into line."

When you rush your way into the gym and constantly check the scale or the tape measure, you're not looking for a lasting relationship.  I want my readers to have a loving relationship for the long term.  No yo-yos or hating yourself in the morning after you binge on food because the night before you felt empty from your failed attempts at making it work.

So create a firm foundation from which to build a long physical relationship with yourself.  Sometimes you'll gain weight and sometimes you'll lose weight, but let yourself know that you'll love you no matter what and unconditionally.  Once you feel secure in yourself you'll be ready for the long haul and for the rest of your life.