Skinny Isn't Good Enough

Just got back from the gym.  I was finally able to find my magic elixir online that keeps my blood sugar level stable enough for me to really get in a good workout.  You can find it here: http://www.luckyvitamin.com/p-234339-biorhythm-100-whole-gains-naturally-anabolic-protein-vanilla-delight-247-lbs

At any rate while I was at the gym....

I got to thinking.  As women we all say, "I wanna be skinny."  Most women mean just that.  Give me a magic pill to shed all the weight, suck it out of my body, whatever you need to do I want to be "skinny."

Well, I don't want to be skinny.  Because there are many ways you can get to be "skinny."

Bulimia

Anorexia

Smoking

Hard Drugs

Surgery


And none of that is good enough for me.  My body and I are better than that.

Your body is better than abuse.

Because that's what it is.  You are abusing your body to achieve the magnificent "skinny."  

I want to be toned.  In shape.  Healthy.

I'm definitely not the picture perfection of health.  Believe me.  I inhale carbs like they're going out of style.  I mean...I think that's the latest on what is or isn't good for you.  I can't keep up with it these days.  The online Chicago Tribune wrote an article showcasing how kale is so out now and collard greens are now in (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-schmich-met-0212-20140212,0,3876842.column)

Sorry, Kale, I've got collard greens on the side now.

Seriously?

Give me a break, people.  I get sick and tired of fads: today you should eat this and tomorrow you shouldn't.  Anyway...I digress.  

Let's not focus on skinny.  Let's just focus on exercising.  Just make it part of your routine.  That routine that has you exhausted with no time left over.  I am fully aware of how difficult it is.  But guess what?  A little bit is better than nothing.  And once you achieve healthy lean, you'll never want to be skinny again.  This was me six years ago:

I've never posted that picture anywhere.  Not even Facebook. (What?)  I know, weird, right?  Absolutely NO AIRBRUSHING.  Just the little picture frame fade on it.  (For the record, I didn't weigh some measly 100lbs.  I was 135lbs of muscle.)  I've added on a whopping 15lbs since then, so how could I settle for just skinny now?  I can't.  I want the toned abs and the lean arms.  

Let's be strong.  Let's be healthy.  

Let's not settle for skinny anymore.

Surviving Conditional Self Love

My faithful readers, I took some time off to give myself some time to relax and get my life back in order.  And now I'm back!  Sometimes we all need a little "me time" to do what we like, and to do what we don't necessarily like to do but will make our lives better...like spring cleaning your house.

It's a great lesson for us all to learn and do on a regular basis.  Taking care of yourself is hard work.  You know what's even harder?  Wading through your own conditional self love.

As people we always seem to be searching for unconditional love.  As a Christian, I believe this is a purposeful need placed in us to seek out God.  Some people are lucky enough to know unconditional love from their parents.  Most people are not so lucky.  And even less people practice unconditional self love.

It starts with your mother and ends with you.

I think most of us girls have heard it in our lives by our mothers:

"When I was your age, I was so skinny."

"When I was younger, I was only 100lbs."

"When I married your father, I was so cute...and little."

If you're fortunate, your mother is merely reminiscing about her youth and beauty.  That's understandable.  A woman has children, life changes, we age...and ta-da!  You're no longer your little 100lbs self anymore.  However, if you're not so lucky, your mother was making those statements in order to make you feel bad about yourself.

I was not exposed to this growing up.  Sure, my mom was a tiny little thing when she married my dad at only 19, and she has mentioned it.  But I don't remember any sort of comparison game.  Here is how it is known for far too many women:

"When I was your age, I was so skinny, only 100lbs, and cute.  Why aren't you?  You really should lose some weight, honey.  If I was that way at your age....."

And so right off the bat, we're learning that genetically speaking our mothers were capable of being much skinnier and prettier than you, and so logically you should be just like her.  And if you're not, you're a disappointment.  Our body comparison game starts at a very young age with our own mothers.

But you are your own person.

You may have been taught conditional physical self love by your mother, but you can teach yourself better self love.  

I consider myself a realist, and therefore I don't expect someone to have unconditional self love.  I really don't.  I believe we have a better chance at giving unconditional love to another person than to ourselves.  Doesn't seem to make any sense, does it?  But it's true.  It's so much easier to hate yourself.  Especially your body.  Especially your body when you've gained weight, or feel like you're too skinny, or have terrible acne or cellulite or wrinkles...the list goes on.  There are so many reasons to turn on yourself.

So let's refocus.  You may not be able to have 100% unconditional self love, but there are ways that you can show yourself you love you.  Sometimes it's as simple as getting a massage or spending time reading a book.  Just avoid using food, exercise, and/or anything related to weight loss/gain as your source of self-love.  It should have nothing to do with your weight or your beauty.  Because that's not allowing any down time from your bombardment of self criticism.  However, when you allow yourself to escape from the everyday, then you can think about the things you love about yourself.

Oh how I love me...let me count the ways.

No, really, do it.  Count the ways. Write them out.  You like it when someone compliments you, right? Then do it for yourself.  And if you learn to do this for yourself efficiently, it will make it easier to weather the times when we're losing our love for ourselves and remind ourselves why we love us.

Taking a Blog Break

Dear Readers,

I am going to be taking a break from my blog for a while.  I've come to the understanding that I am fighting moderate to high levels of anxiety.  Levels of anxiety that sometimes affect my performance at work, translates into physical pain, and makes my social life non-existent.  Simple things like wanting to commit to writing a blog once a week can snowball into a huge mass of underlying anxiety for me.  Why?  Because I wanted to make a commitment and when I feel like I fail at the commitment my anxiety sky rockets.  If you don't experience it, it's difficult to explain.

I'm working towards relieving myself of this subconscious, unintentional, and yet sometimes paralyzing anxiety.  That's doesn't mean that I won't continue to write when it strikes me, but regular commitments are too stressful for me right now.

So I'm off to do some yoga/deep breathing and a trip to the library for some peace and quiet to try to learn to turn my brain off (much easier said than done).

See ya when I see ya!

The Story of Your Body

I spent this last weekend out in the country and had some free moments to myself to reflect.

There was a moment where I paused in the full length mirror and saw the 31 year old that I am.  I like the way I look, but for the first time I realized that my body looks a little different.  Meaning, it occurred to me that I don't look 18 anymore.  I was looking at a 30-something's body, and guess what?

I smiled.

Back in high school my favorite singer/songwriter was Ani DiFranco.  I own approximately ten of her albums.  I've definitely not kept up with her music like a devoted teenager would, but her songs have always stuck with me.   There was a certain lyric from her song "Jukebox" that came to mind.

her hair bears silent witness

to the passing of time

tattoos like mile markers

map the distance she has gone

winning some, losing some

I know some cancer survivors personally and on their bodies are scars.  Some are surgery scars, some are "tattoos" on their bodies used to mark where the chemo laser would need to be pointed every time.  Signs that their bodies have survived.

A more public example would be Elly Mayday.  

A college friend of mine sent me to a website telling her story.  At 25 years old she is battling cancer.  Although she started as a plus-size model for Forever Yours Lingerie (https://foreveryourslingerie.ca/), one year later Elly was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  She most recently underwent a nine hour operation to remove stomach cancer.  The owner of the Canadian lingerie company decided she wanted to show Elly as is.

Her bald head and scar on her stomach were left for everyone to see.  If you take a gander at their website, you will be very encouraged at the use of models of all sizes.  As a side note, there are images of Elly as is, but also wearing wigs and photoshopped.  They do so, because she requested that she continued to be viewed as a model, and not just a model with cancer.

But here's where I'm going with this...

Our culture only values youth and perfection, but I don't.  I smiled at my 31 year old body, because it has experience.  It's traveled with me and been a home for my soul, and I like that there are scars and bumps.  It shows that I've won some, and I've lost some.  Others may look at their bodies and see the battle of the weight, but why not feel proud of the body that has given you so much life?  Do we not respect those with wisdom?  Then why don't we respect our aging bodies?  

Where has your body been?  What do you have to show for it?

Why Marilyn was and isn't a Size 14

This is a short little blog (lots going on in Miss Blogger's world), but I've seen some frustrating posts online (and have for some time) regarding sizing for one particular Hollywood bombshell for quite some time.  I've decided to clear the air for my readers.

Often times when speaking of embracing curves, men and women alike will refer to Marilyn Monroe.  And why wouldn't you?  She was beautiful...and yes, curvy.

Marilyn's measurements are said to have been approximately 34/28/37.  But she was a size 14 (some say 12, some say 16).  So before you go and get confused, allow me to explain.

Pattern companies stopped adjusting sizes in the 1960s, but retail kept vanity sizes changing as we got larger.  Today, Marilyn would be approximately a size 6.  Yes, it's true.  But if she were to make a dress from a pattern she would still be a size 14.

Back at a costume store I used to manage, we had an authentic, vintage 1950's size 8 dress.  The waist measurement?  A whopping 23".  TINY.  So tiny, I never saw it rent, but one time for a middle school production.  And I believe the girl was maybe 12 years old.

I know that citing Marilyn Monroe creates a lot of frustration, because most people don't know the way of the retail/design world.

So to end your frustration once and for all:

Yes, Marilyn was a 14.  And yes, Marilyn is a 6.  Funny the difference a few years can make.

Why the High Fashion Runway Won't Change

We all know that runway models are starving themselves for their jobs.  They eat paper, only drink water, and smoke to help burn away the last of the calories.  But these standards were not set forth by the models, but rather the designers and agencies who employ them.

Last year the Council of Fashion Designer of America, presided by famous designer Diane Von Furstenburg, created a list of regulations to help crack down on unhealthy models.  These regulations monitor the women's BMI, diet, exercise, and age.  Unfortunately, these "regulations" aren't laws, they are merely strong recommendations.

So why do other designers insist on their models being only 13 years old and weighing in at 98lbs?  As a former costumer and designer, it's easy to see why.

They need a living hanger.

I hate to reduce any human being to an object.  After all, wasn't it a curse in Beauty and the Beast??  But it's true.

When you begin designing for real women, it requires much more tailoring and thought.  Not every woman looks good in everything (as we all know far too well).  So how do you make all of your clothes look good no matter who is wearing them?  You make sure the people wearing them don't look like women.  As a designer, especially a very conceited one, you don't want your audience admiring the woman or being distracted by how a certain garment fits on her.  You want the entire focus to be on your work.  Also, sample sizes are just that: they create these haute couture pieces in only one size.  A very small size (less fabric = less work), and you have to fit the dress not the other way around.

In a nutshell, it's harder to design for real women.  And the ego of some designers don't want to think about function.  Imagine all of the stupid weird things you've ever seen come down a runway:

These clothes are their artistic expression.  They can't be bothered with practicality.  If you've never met an egotistical fashion designer, you're lucky.  The ones with egos are unbearable.  And a common trait is "My Way or the Highway" kind of mentality, because the simpletons that the rest of us are don't understand the art that is parading in front of us.

And this is why it won't change for high fashion.  Practical fashion designers are starting to listen to their audience and hiring *gasp* size 4's...on occasion.  But all fashion starts with high fashion and trickles its way down (historically speaking it's always been that way).  So as long as deranged artists are designing, the people wearing the clothes are of no consequence.  They just need a hanger to get their clothes down a runway.

PC Disclaimer: Since no one is EVER permitted to generalize...this is my politically correct statement to ensure my readers that I do not believe that ALL high fashion designers are egotistical and don't care about their models.  However, if the vast majority were not, would we even be having this debate?

 

The "Plus Sized" Stigma

I'm ringing in the new year with my wonderful blog readers!  I took a little time off for the holidays, and I hope yours was as wonderful as mine.  Thank you for supporting me in 2013, and I plan to continue my commitment in 2014 to continue writing.

My blog this morning is spurred by a visit to a website.  I am a subscriber to the site AdoreMe.com.  It's a monthly bra/panties/lingerie website that is like Shoe Dazzle for underwear.  I went to look at my January "Showroom" where they put together styles they think you may like in your size.  Every month, I'm reminded that because I'm a 34DD I am plus sized.

I feel so torn about this term.  Sometimes I feel as though you might as well say, "This is the fat page."  Here is the difference in the models:

"Regular Model"

"Plus Sized Model"

I have to admit, I feel more comfortable looking at the "Plus Sized" model.  I feel as though I can relate to her better, and the set is more likely to look on me like it does on her.  I look at the "regular" model, and I can't relate.  So I like that there different sizes of models.  Gives thinner girls an idea as to what the clothing will look like on them, and my plus size girl lets me know if I am going to look good in what I order.

When you look up the definition of plus sized in the fashion world there isn't exactly one set size.  But a size 8 is considered ideal.  

Size 8.

Now it's easy to say, "Are you saying that size 8 is fat??"  And get defensive about it.  After all, why can't we just be "normal" sized.  Plus Sized models have the same type of requirements that regular fashion models do.  They have to be at least 5'7" and they have to be hourglass.  They're not going to mess with pear shaped, rectangular shaped, etc.  They are still looking for the most beautiful of the beautiful.

But some people don't see it that way.  

Some people see supporting plus sized as supporting obesity.  So I ask those...is a size 8 obese?  I hope not.  I think that's a normal size for some women.  Not all of us are athletes with metabolisms of Olympic proportions.  And a lot of us work...A LOT.  And very long hours.  VERY LONG hours.

There was an Australian blogger who decided to take up bloggers and plus size supporters like myself, and do a mock-up of what a  plus sized Barbie would look like:

I find this beyond insulting.  This is an example of how Plus Sized is equated to fat.  And that is why women are torn regarding that term.  So if I'm plus sized, I've now got more chins than a Chinese phone book?  Last I checked this is an example of a plus sized model:

Robyn Lawley

Are there obese people in our country?  Yes, of course.  We are becoming a large country that struggles with our weight.  But do I believe that being "plus sized" is unhealthy?  No, I don't.  Because your definition of plus sized may be different from mine.

What do you think of when you think of the term "Plus Sized?" Do you picture extreme obesity?  Or do you picture models I've pictured above?  Does the fashion industry feed you the lie that to be plus sized is to be "obese" in order to continue with their one definition of beauty?  They don't want to change.  It's harder to design and dress and real women.  Interferes with their artistic freedom...those curves do.

...but that's a blog for another day....

Sometimes acceptance is adjusting your definition and making your life subjective when your happiness is at stake.