Show Up For Yourself

I was doing yoga this morning, and this is what I would like you to believe I look like:

In reality, I'm not what you would call the picture perfect yoga-er.  Sometimes I swear at the television, grunt (or scream, however you categorize it) with the pain, and drip sweat.  Not so pretty, right?

But, seriously, even though it can be super painful and challenging, I always feel really good after some yoga.  

To keep my readers updated, I've recommitted to working out and I'm starting week three (? or is it four?).  I'm unusual for a woman in that I actually like to lift weights more than cardio.  But I know that I need all kinds of exercise to keep healthy.  So anyway, back to my yoga session...

Approximately my face during yoga

The yoga instructor said something that really resonated with me today, and I thought I would pass it on to all of you.

"Self confidence begins with self trust. Show up for yourself."

As I've been working out, I'm slowly gaining strength and endurance again and it feels good.  I haven't technically lost any weight, I don't think.  I don't keep a scale around, because I know I would obsess about it.  So instead I obsess over my tape measure.  In fact, I got to feeling down yesterday, because despite my working out my pants feel like they're fitting tighter.

With that aside, I'm FEELING better even without the weight loss.  And I think my handy dandy DVD yoga instructor hit it on the head.

I've been showing up for me.  I'm focusing effort towards myself.  And the days when I REALLY, really, REALLY don't want to be at the gym, when I follow through I feel good about it.

This applies to our lives in general.  When we're lazy, we don't complete tasks to the best of our ability. We can't trust ourselves to satisfy us.  So when others are disappointed it only rubs salt in the wound.

The hard thing about self-trust is it is difficult to detect.  Just going to a gym consistently, or cleaning your kitchen every night before bed, or doing at least one load of laundry a day may seem like silly little things.  But the truth is that you are setting goals for yourself and saying, "Self, this is what I want you to accomplish."  And yourself says, "I've got this.  Don't worry about it.  You go do your thing."

But then you don't do it.

And you feel bad about it.  You broke your own trust.  You told yourself you were going to do it for yourself, and you failed yourself.  So it comes to make sense that it breaks your self-confidence.  You can't trust yourself, and so you can't have confidence in yourself.

Your relationship with you is just as real and important and your other relationships in life, and yet it is considered the last of the most important.  But don't forget, if you don't love you, how can you love anyone else to your full potential?

So show up for yourself.  Do that scrapbook cookbook you've been telling yourself you're going to do. Or start a gym routine.  And do it for you, not for someone else.  That would defeat the whole purpose.

Self trust is a selfish act that results in a happiness shared in an unselfish way.

Do These Genes Make My Butt Look Big?

Well, maybe.

I'm not a doctor or nutritionist.  But there are many articles and doctor's blogs that support the theory.  Yes, it's still considered a theory, because there are so many small genetic differences that could affect many weight conditions.

It explains why some people can eat, eat, and eat and stay extremely thin.  Or why some people eat a fairly healthy diet with the "normal" splurges that we all indulge, and yet gain a ridiculous amount of weight.  Just like we can be genetically inclined to have high cholesterol, it is thought that we can also be inclined to obesity or extreme thinness.

Think it's a bunch of hogwash?  That it's all within the control of the individual?  How about this for you?

Kylie and Kendall Jenner - Daughters to Bruce Jenner, Olympian, and Kris Jenner.

Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe Kardashian - daughters to Robert Kardashian and Kris Jenner

If you don't know who these women are then you probably live under a rock and I'm not sure how you have access to a computer right now.  The Kardashian sisters have an empire that is highly dependent on their looks, so it would lead one to believe that they focus a lot of time on staying in shape.  I got these candid shots, because I didn't want the ridiculous amount of photoshop that is applied to their magazine photo shoots to distort my point. 

Khloe Kardashian has publicly struggled with her weight, Kim ain't no itty bitty thing, and their brother Robert has also recently struggled with his weight.

Kylie and Kendall?  They are slim and lean runway models.  What is the only difference between these siblings?  Their fathers.  The children of the Olympian Bruce Jenner (a.k.a. one of the best athletes in the world), do not have the same curves as Robert Kardashian's daughters.  They both have the same mother, and yet their body builds are so completely different.  Kim Kardashian couldn't have hips the width of her little half-sisters' if she had the smallest amount of healthy body fat allowable.

I don't need a study to tell me that genetics play a role.  It's right in front of our faces.  

This is just another reason why there is never a winner in the comparison game.  What else does it mean?

Unfortunately, it means that if you are genetically inclined to obesity you have to put in three times the effort as someone who is more athletically genetically inclined.  It doesn't mean that you can't be in shape and healthy, but your healthy shape may be a 10 not a size 2.  Your healthy isn't necessarily another person's healthy.  Again, I'm no doctor, but sometimes common sense is a science all it's own.

Skinny Isn't Good Enough

Just got back from the gym.  I was finally able to find my magic elixir online that keeps my blood sugar level stable enough for me to really get in a good workout.  You can find it here: http://www.luckyvitamin.com/p-234339-biorhythm-100-whole-gains-naturally-anabolic-protein-vanilla-delight-247-lbs

At any rate while I was at the gym....

I got to thinking.  As women we all say, "I wanna be skinny."  Most women mean just that.  Give me a magic pill to shed all the weight, suck it out of my body, whatever you need to do I want to be "skinny."

Well, I don't want to be skinny.  Because there are many ways you can get to be "skinny."

Bulimia

Anorexia

Smoking

Hard Drugs

Surgery


And none of that is good enough for me.  My body and I are better than that.

Your body is better than abuse.

Because that's what it is.  You are abusing your body to achieve the magnificent "skinny."  

I want to be toned.  In shape.  Healthy.

I'm definitely not the picture perfection of health.  Believe me.  I inhale carbs like they're going out of style.  I mean...I think that's the latest on what is or isn't good for you.  I can't keep up with it these days.  The online Chicago Tribune wrote an article showcasing how kale is so out now and collard greens are now in (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-schmich-met-0212-20140212,0,3876842.column)

Sorry, Kale, I've got collard greens on the side now.

Seriously?

Give me a break, people.  I get sick and tired of fads: today you should eat this and tomorrow you shouldn't.  Anyway...I digress.  

Let's not focus on skinny.  Let's just focus on exercising.  Just make it part of your routine.  That routine that has you exhausted with no time left over.  I am fully aware of how difficult it is.  But guess what?  A little bit is better than nothing.  And once you achieve healthy lean, you'll never want to be skinny again.  This was me six years ago:

I've never posted that picture anywhere.  Not even Facebook. (What?)  I know, weird, right?  Absolutely NO AIRBRUSHING.  Just the little picture frame fade on it.  (For the record, I didn't weigh some measly 100lbs.  I was 135lbs of muscle.)  I've added on a whopping 15lbs since then, so how could I settle for just skinny now?  I can't.  I want the toned abs and the lean arms.  

Let's be strong.  Let's be healthy.  

Let's not settle for skinny anymore.

Surviving Conditional Self Love

My faithful readers, I took some time off to give myself some time to relax and get my life back in order.  And now I'm back!  Sometimes we all need a little "me time" to do what we like, and to do what we don't necessarily like to do but will make our lives better...like spring cleaning your house.

It's a great lesson for us all to learn and do on a regular basis.  Taking care of yourself is hard work.  You know what's even harder?  Wading through your own conditional self love.

As people we always seem to be searching for unconditional love.  As a Christian, I believe this is a purposeful need placed in us to seek out God.  Some people are lucky enough to know unconditional love from their parents.  Most people are not so lucky.  And even less people practice unconditional self love.

It starts with your mother and ends with you.

I think most of us girls have heard it in our lives by our mothers:

"When I was your age, I was so skinny."

"When I was younger, I was only 100lbs."

"When I married your father, I was so cute...and little."

If you're fortunate, your mother is merely reminiscing about her youth and beauty.  That's understandable.  A woman has children, life changes, we age...and ta-da!  You're no longer your little 100lbs self anymore.  However, if you're not so lucky, your mother was making those statements in order to make you feel bad about yourself.

I was not exposed to this growing up.  Sure, my mom was a tiny little thing when she married my dad at only 19, and she has mentioned it.  But I don't remember any sort of comparison game.  Here is how it is known for far too many women:

"When I was your age, I was so skinny, only 100lbs, and cute.  Why aren't you?  You really should lose some weight, honey.  If I was that way at your age....."

And so right off the bat, we're learning that genetically speaking our mothers were capable of being much skinnier and prettier than you, and so logically you should be just like her.  And if you're not, you're a disappointment.  Our body comparison game starts at a very young age with our own mothers.

But you are your own person.

You may have been taught conditional physical self love by your mother, but you can teach yourself better self love.  

I consider myself a realist, and therefore I don't expect someone to have unconditional self love.  I really don't.  I believe we have a better chance at giving unconditional love to another person than to ourselves.  Doesn't seem to make any sense, does it?  But it's true.  It's so much easier to hate yourself.  Especially your body.  Especially your body when you've gained weight, or feel like you're too skinny, or have terrible acne or cellulite or wrinkles...the list goes on.  There are so many reasons to turn on yourself.

So let's refocus.  You may not be able to have 100% unconditional self love, but there are ways that you can show yourself you love you.  Sometimes it's as simple as getting a massage or spending time reading a book.  Just avoid using food, exercise, and/or anything related to weight loss/gain as your source of self-love.  It should have nothing to do with your weight or your beauty.  Because that's not allowing any down time from your bombardment of self criticism.  However, when you allow yourself to escape from the everyday, then you can think about the things you love about yourself.

Oh how I love me...let me count the ways.

No, really, do it.  Count the ways. Write them out.  You like it when someone compliments you, right? Then do it for yourself.  And if you learn to do this for yourself efficiently, it will make it easier to weather the times when we're losing our love for ourselves and remind ourselves why we love us.