Models: The Subconscious Ideal

As we flip through magazines, do you ever sit and wonder what kind of an effect it has on you?  There are fitness magazines and there are beauty/fashion magazines.  They certainly use different models, but both don't hesitate to photoshop.  For fitness magazines, they have been known to photoshop a more muscular look to an editorial model while beauty/fashion magazines photoshop wrinkles and general body appearance.

(I have no idea why they felt the need to Photoshop Jessica Alba.  I mean really....they don't even think SHE'S good enough as is!)

We all know that the magazines use Photoshop, that's no secret.  I think most women would agree that they wish they could photoshop themselves in real life every morning (in jest, of course).  A study that I recently read came to as perplexing answers as us women can be.

http://www.ssc.wisc.edu/~jpiliavi/357/body-image.htm

It's a long article, but in summary, they were researching whether fashion and/or fitness magazines have a negative impact on women's self esteem.  The results were so scattered that they couldn't come to any definitive answer.

That's no surprise to me.  The main contradiction that the study found was that while women will generally dismiss magazine models as "too thin" or "unhealthy," they will turn right around and say they consider a model to have the ideal body type.  Nearly every woman stated she would like to be thinner...and most of them were average size (5'4" & 140lbs.).  That is nearly exactly my size at a size 8, for reference.

So although we say that we don't like models and their size, we desire to be like them.  Why is that?

It is popular to be outspoken and individualistic.  By rebuking the typical model size as "gross,"a woman can socially maintain her "fierce, liberated, independent" woman ideal.  But when it comes down to it, we are uncontrollably influenced by the media proposed "ideal."  

Have you ever wondered how a woman could end up in a terribly abusive relationship?  How could she have gotten to this point?  Why doesn't she just leave?  It's not that simple by the time she's in full-fledge abuse.  Abuse doesn't happen in one session.  Abuse occurs over years of whittling down on the self-esteem and the individual's concept of reality.  

I consider women's relationship to the media a form of abuse.

We are abused on a nearly daily basis, and we don't even know it.  It's so socially acceptable.  We are told on a daily basis to ALWAYS be thinner.  Healthy doesn't even enter into the equation.  Health, in fact, is often sacrificed for the purpose of looking thinner.

STOP THE ABUSE.

Recognize it as abuse.  This particular study found that most of the women participating in the survey didn't have any direct correlation between their self-esteem and the desire to be thinner.  And yet, MOST of the women felt they NEEDED to be thinner.  The scientists can only say that the hypothesis was incorrect.  

I say, we're confused.  

Our confidence comes more easily in other areas about ourselves: our minds, our personalities, our general treatment of others.  But our one Achille's heel is our weight.  Our appearance.  I believe that since most generally speaking, women base their overall self esteem on more than physical, we believe we have a medium self-esteem.  Good for us!  But if we ALWAYS feel like we could be thinner, what does that say?

That we're not good enough.

And who gave us that impression?

Know what the good news is?  The study also found that women who DID have higher self-esteems were much more able to dismiss the pictures of models in magazines.  And women who participated in healthy eating and some form of exercise had a self-esteem that trumped the thoughts imposed by the magazines.  And what brings about good self-esteem? 

POSITIVE SELF TALK.

I can't repeat it enough.  Keep it up ladies.  Speak to yourself in positive ways every day.  Speak of others in positive ways.  Soon you'll be able to stand up to the abuse of the ideal media just like the sleazy guy at the bar desperately trying for your number for the night.  We're better than that.  And you better believe it.  

Beat Them at Their Own Game

I was a theater major back in college, so we were required to learn all aspects of the art.  This included tech work like building sets, which I failed miserably at doing.  I usually was stuck back as the kitchen manager during the dinner theaters.

But there were a couple of semesters where I was assigned the costume practicum.  I had never sewn on a button before.  Within my first week, I was handed a cut out pirate shirt and told to sew it together.  I repeat, I had never even sat in front of a sewing machine before that day.

I was thrown in head first to sewing, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

When I go shopping, the clothes don't control me.  Most women are at the mercy of manufacturers, and we believe that if the clothes don't fit then there must be something "wrong" with our bodies.

STOP.

If I had advice to give to any woman, it would be: Learn to Sew.

"Wow, Miss Blogger, sewing is for old, boring, or nerdy women."

Ever met a fashion designer?  A costume designer?  Don't you love what they do?  Aren't they the ones that create the clothes you are dying to fit into?  What can't you do the same for yourself?

On a side note, I've met Christian Siriano, and he's just as precious as you expect him to be.

"Don't move us back a century with your sewing talk.  Are you going to want me to learn to cook good meals again too?"

Sure, while you're at it, why not?  Then you can feed yourself healthy meals that fill you up.

See, since the 70s us younger generations have been taught that domestic duties are filthy, ugly words.  If you're an independent woman, you shouldn't be sewing and cooking.  I'll tell you why you should.

You'll never know true independence until you control your own clothes.  Now I'm not saying you need to learn how to create an entire outfit.  I don't expect the world to be filled with couturiers.  But you should learn basic sewing skills and understand pattern construction.

Did you know that the sizing for patterns stopped in the 60s?  They have not altered those sizes for vanity sizing.

"Which means what?"

When you pick up a pattern and find out what your size is going to be, your eyes will roll into the back of your skull and you'll faint from shock.  You'll automatically rebuke this entire blog, and decide you'd much rather be a size 6 than a 14.  Yes, the difference is that shocking.

But here's the freedom you will possess.

When I try on clothes, I look at how it's fitting my body, not at whether I can fit into what someone else wants me to fit into.  I take a look to see if I can alter it to fit better.  I have a working knowledge of why a garment doesn't fit me properly, and because of that I am not a prisoner to the manufacturer's sizes.

Don't forget, it's only fabric.  Don't let fabric control your consciousness and tell you what's beautiful or not.  Take back control.

Once you understand how a garment is made, you won't fear it anymore.

Beginning sewing classes are offered at most places that sell fabric such as Jo-Anns Fabrics.  Wal-Mart sells sewing machines for really cheap, and since I'm not looking for you to become the next Valentino, a cheap little machine will work just fine.  You want one that will offer several stitches (straight, zig-zag, etc.) for the little projects you'll work on.  A pillow from Home Ec. (Do they even have Home Ec. anymore??) isn't what I'm talking about.

I want you to make a skirt.

Those are simple and great for beginners.  Make it an A-line (pictured above).  You won't have to worry about it fitting around your hips like a pencil skirt.  Then move on from there.  You don't even have to wear anything you make in public.  Just as long as you know what goes into a pattern and the construction of clothing, your eyes will open up.  You will obtain the best knowledge in the world:

"Hey!  This garment is made poorly.  Look how badly it fits me."

When you can say that, you have graduated from letting the fabric control you to you controlling the fabric.  There should be a prize for that somewhere in Woman World.

Who Taught You "You Are Ugly?"

Our dislike for our physical is merely a branching out from something else within us.  Something that tells us, we're not good enough.  That who we are is lacking.

Who taught you that you're ugly?

Really think about it.

Was it your mother?  Did/Does she always criticize?  I had a friend once whose mother ripped her to pieces at every opportunity.  These are statements she would digest from her mother on a daily basis: "You're too fat."  "I was never fat at your age."  "You've really got to do something with yourself.  No man is ever going to love you if you're fat like this."  And the list goes on and on.  I eventually came to a point where I had to be honest with that friend and tell her that I did not ever want to be in the company of her mother again.  And as much as I value family, she should have felt the same.  She was a grown woman, after all.  And yet, she was never good enough.  She was convinced that she had to lose weight or her mother and all men wouldn't love her or accept her.  She had fed into her mother's lies.  She finally used some dieting fad and was working out and losing weight rapidly.  Our friendship went to hell in a handbasket.  Her personality changed so rapidly, I didn't even know who she was anymore.  But she was skinny, dammit.  And she did look great!  But it consumed her entire mind.  It was all she thought and talked about.  And guess what happened in the long run?  Her mother found other things to pick on.

What about your father?  Did you have one present in your life?  Have you had any male role model who found you beautiful?  Or was it the opposite?  Was there abuse?

What about a boyfriend?  When you were young, did a boy you love cheat on you?  Break up with you?  What did the other girl look like?  You might have walked around calling her ugly and proclaiming that you are way prettier.  Did you really feel that way?  Or did thinking about his decision make you hate yourself?

When we focus on our bodies in unhealthy ways, it's a sign of feeling out of control.  You'll never be able to control how people do or don't love you.  Every person in your life may have betrayed you...or maybe just the really important ones.  So our lives go spinning out of control.  What's the one thing you have in your total possession?  Your body.

Have you ever felt so sad and empty that hunger feels good?  Have you ever enjoyed the feeling of punishing your body?

Perhaps it doesn't seem to go that deep for you.  But somewhere you're looking for approval.  You want to walk in a room and control everyone's thoughts with how beautiful you look.  But there will always be that crash at the end of the road.  Why?  Because physical is fleeting.  We're told that people will love us according to the way we look.  So that's where we start.  With our looks.  "If I look like this, so-and-so will love me...."  The best you'll get out of that equation is lust.  And Lust has quickly searching eyes never settling on one thing for very long.  It's desire always continues to grow and wants something different.  The rejection will continue as long as you look for love anywhere but within you.

You were created to love.  It's a natural instinct.  But you will continue a life-long struggle until you realize that you cannot love others until you love yourself.  Sound cliche?  It is.  But it's true.  How can you expect to offer someone unconditional love when your own love for them hinges on how beautiful they perceive you?  As long as you are completely reliant on their approval, you will only be able to offer conditional love.  And you get what you give.

The Truth Will Set You Free

If you read my last blog, I walked you through the actual writings of girls and women who use Thinspiration and struggle to reach some sort of perfection that their bodies were probably not meant to achieve.

I can sit here all night long and say, "stop comparing yourself to people."  That doesn't work.  Everyone has heard these cliches.  "You look fine."  "You're beautiful the way you are."  If we believed it, we wouldn't question it.

All of those sentiments should be true for yourself, but that's easier said than done.

One posting that I did not include in the last blog was written by a woman who took a picture of a woman and essentially said I want to be like her because she's REAL.

Is she?

What if, like packages of cigarettes, models had to have warning labels?

WARNING: ANOREXIC. MAY CAUSE INFERTILITY, SHUT DOWN OF MAJOR BODY SYSTEMS, BRAIN DAMAGE, HEART ATTACK, OR DEATH.

WARNING: BREAST IMPLANTS. PHOTOSHOPPED THIGHS AND HIPS. HIGHLIGHTS ADDED TO BREASTS AND CHEST AREA. BEST PHOTO OUT OF 120 TAKEN WITH TOP 1% OF MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.  THIS PHOTO IS UNSAFE FOR GENERAL COMPARISON.

If we knew everything these photos went through and the women went through to get there, we might think differently about how we perceive them.

I saw a short interview with a Victoria's Secret model.  The journalist asked her, "What is your favorite part of your body?"

She hesitated.  Shrugged her shoulders then finally came up with an answer.  "My butt.  It's the only place I have curves."

Ain't that funny?  You could be spending all this time staring at Victoria Secret models and pining for their bodies and all that time, they could be doing the same with yours.  The truth of the matter is, whether you're a model or "normal" we have a natural inclination to want what we don't have.  It works within us in every aspect of our lives.  It brings out greed in some, envy in others.  

Here's an exercise to try.  And I don't mean of the physical kind.  Next time you find yourself staring in the mirror dissecting every last piece of yourself, step away from the mirror.  Train yourself to think: "It's ok.  Don't worry about it."  Or even just an apathetic, "Meh."  Learn to brush it off, then go do something in which you excel.  Something that calms you.  Even if it is exercise, but I warn that if you choose exercise it's more dangerous.  It is directly correlating with your insecurity.  Your appearance will not change after three hours at the gym.  Oh, and if you have a scale, GET RID OF IT.  You don't need it.  It's one more thing to obsess over.  

As a book nerd, my recommendation is to find a good book. Find yourself a heroine, someone to look up to, that is not just about physicality.  Get lost in the story.  Move your focus to helping others.  Perhaps go volunteer to help with the poor or sick.  Your perspective will quickly shift when you realize how much you have when others don't.  And you will get the same adrenaline rush as a workout, because you've done something good.

This re-learning of thinking is a long process.  Even if you can't shrug off the thoughts, your first challenge is to just walk away.

You Are What You THINK

"If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible."

-Invisible Monsters; Chuck Palahnuik

This is going to be an unusual blog in the fact that I will not be author behind most of it.  I want to walk you through the minds of women struggling with their weight, but they are not overweight.  These are women who love the sight of cheekbones, hip bones, and thigh gaps.

It will be a longer blog, but what a walk it will be.  EVERY woman has a little bit of this obsession in her.  The photos are these particular women's inspiration.  In the next blog I will talk more about everything below in particular, but for now I want you to just read and view.  Absorb.  Take it in.  Is it foreign to you?  Somewhat similar?  Heartbreakingly too close to home?

(Bold words are my own emphasis.)

ABC Diet Day 4: 400

Breakfast: 1 small strawberry (2)

Lunch: salad with a tofurkey slice (23), strawberries and cherries (24), popcorn (200) (ugh)

Snack: Peanut butter (40) (why??)

Dinner: 2 slices of tofurkey bacon (40), strawberries (30)

Total intake: 359

Binged on popcorn and strawberries. I ate generally a lot today. :(  

I almost screwed up

I had an unintentional fast all day and it was going great until my mom comes home at 10pm with a 10pc nugget meal from McDonald’s. Seriously. 10 piece. Fucking gross. I wasn’t even hungry until then. I thought I was going to cave and eat and just fuck up my SDG calorie limit (300) until I remembered that “Chew and Spit” thing. Doing that saved my life! It really does work, for me anyway. I hate McDonald’s in general because of how terrible it is for you. The only reason I eat it is because it’s tastes okay and it’s cheap. But yeah, I just avoided putting 800 disgusting calories into my body. I mean, 800 calories from terrible food, not even relatively healthy food. Unacceptable! 

OH MY GAD the perfect representation of what I want my lower body to look like. All boxy and lanky and boyish and gah I can’t, omg I can’t

I ate... a lot.... let me die, please..

Fuck

Didn’t eat all day because I was an idiot yesterday and ate. So i’m “fasting” for a few days until I deserve to eat again. I’m fuckin hungry though. Gosh I’m so fat. What? All I can think about is food? My mom’s husband made burgers and they smelled good. I just didn’t eat though. I’m going to hold out tonight, going to be hard cause its just me here. Day 1 down. 3 to go.

I WANT A FUCKING THIGH GAP!

I still haven't lost any more

But I think it has something to do with water weight from my period that has lasted fucking 2 weeks now.

You can fuck off any time. :)

ANYway… All I’ve eaten today is a cucumber and some almonds.

Maybe 100 calories?

And I’ve been sweating my ASS off all day long from working.

I must have burned some of it off by now.

I hope.

But I get to buy my bike tomorrow.

At least I’ll have some more exercise in my life!

I tried taking mango extract after hearing about it on the Dr. Oz show. Basically the mango fruit extract moderates your appetite so you don’t overeat AND it improves the body’s ability to access fat that’s stored up - so you eat less and burn more fat.

That means I can still eat what I want too, I just get full quickly. I don’t have to make awkward excuses at family meals about why I’m not eating and there’s so much less temptation, and less temptation means less guilt. It’s totally helped me have a better relationship with food.

I started eating less, and was losing about 3 pounds a week. I knew my mom had used colon cleansing products in the past to lose weight fast so I tried that too.

In the past month I’ve been taking the Mango Extract in the morning to control my appetite, AND the Colon Cleanse at night to shed any pounds I put on during the day.  And OMG it works amazing! Using this combination I’ve lost 18 pounds in less than 4 weeks.

It sucks though cuz buying both can be expensive, but rather than buying them at the store, I’ve been buying them over the internet and have used online coupons to get them for free! Its friggin’ perfect, you still have to pay for shipping but it costs like $8 to have the body you want.

If I was as thin as I wanted to be, I’d wake up and look in the mirror. There would be no rolls of fat to pinch, no ripples or bulges that slap together like chunks of whale blubber. I would turn around and look at my ass, which would be pert and perfect and a beautiful peach shape, not lumpy. I would lift up my arms which would be slim, toned and delicate like a ballerina’s. I would have a gorgeous man in my bed who would wake up and tell me how beautiful and sexy my body is. I would slip into my jeans easily, no muffin top or tightness digging into my waist. My legs would look like elegant bent pencils rather than chunky sausages. I would no longer fear the scales as I would be my perfect weight and look the best I can be xoxo

things

i seem to be sinking in a pit of dismal seclusion. i can’t even pass my own reflection anymore. to look into the eyes of this stranger, this being i’m inhabiting seems almost impossible. food isn’t an obstacle anymore, i don’t even want to eat. sometimes it almost feels like i’m making myself just so i won’t have to encounter any late night trembles. i sat next to my cat outside, smoking a cigarette and realized that this life i’m living isn’t even a life. my insignificance swallows me whole, and i forget to breathe. this selfish ice cube that i am, not even the heat can break me free. i feel like a waste of space, what have i done - what’s the point of striving for anything? i’ll eternally be floating around in this black hole, unfortunately aware of my nothingness. i don’t need self pity, in fact i despise any type of affection that lingers my way.. it just ends up fading in the end.. 

i’ll just drip into the atmosphere now.

Pro-Ana and Thinspiration vs. Lane Bryant

Some time back, there was Lane Bryant commercial that was banned from ABC to air during primetime.  For those that don't know, Lane Bryant is a Plus Size clothing store for women.  With very great designs, if you ask me.  The commercial was banned because it was considered far too sexy.  Here is a link to the 30 second spot:

  http://youtu.be/uiGt6bjk0NM

Then not too long after that, at 7pm countrywide, America indulged in the Victoria Secret Runway Show.

I dare anyone to say that what the Victoria Secret model is wearing is anymore conservative than the Lane Bryant model.  Here is a perfect example of how our media tells us curvy is dangerous and bad while tall, muscular, and thin is good and acceptable.  

Earlier this year, I saw an interview with Kylie Bisutti who used to be a Victoria Secret model, but then quit.  Here is a link to her interview (it's about 2:30 long):

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/02/victorias-secret-model-quits-to-reserve-body-for-my-husband/

She talks about her Christian beliefs and how it drove her to stop modeling.  What struck me the most, however, is what she says around 1:05 of the interview.  Her 8 year old cousin was watching her in the mirror as she put on her make-up.  Her little cousin told her that she was going to stop eating so she could be beautiful like her.

Whoa.

This is how little girls think.  And to deny that models have any influence over their thinking is either egotistical or careless.  Would this little girl think this way if she saw examples of many body types of beauty instead?

A British lingerie company is expanding its line to include larger sizes now.  This is their latest model:

Again, she's causing people to stir.  Why?  Because she's curvy.  She's a size 16.  Why is it so controversial for a woman to have curves?  Isn't that just how we're supposed to be?  

Have you ever heard of Thinspiration?  Websites are designed to drive women towards being thin.  In its most basic form, it's supposed to encourage women to be healthy and workout in order to achieve a thin body.  The problem is that this concept has turned into sites that have picture after picture of very thin girls (remember the camera adds 10lbs) dying to see their hip bones poke through, see their thighs not touch, etc.  

You'll see postings of girls talking about month long "fasting."  Not for religious reasons but for weight loss.  One of the screen names reads "ineedskinnygenes."  You will find girls pleading that they need to be "hot."  Here is one example:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/thinspiration

So these women and girls visit these sites daily to keep being thin always in the forefront of their existence.  This is the only way they know to be beautiful.  There is also a diet/weight loss lifestyle called Pro-Ana....short for Pro-Anorexia.  These sites will swear up and down that they do not encourage eating disorders and simply are looking to help women lose weight and have a healthy lifestyle.  Then why name your branded lifestyle after a debilitating eating disorder that haunts hundreds of thousands of women?

Awareness is just the beginning of the battle.  

Let's re-learn beautiful.  

Be scandalous.