It's a great lesson for us all to learn and do on a regular basis. Taking care of yourself is hard work. You know what's even harder? Wading through your own conditional self love.
As people we always seem to be searching for unconditional love. As a Christian, I believe this is a purposeful need placed in us to seek out God. Some people are lucky enough to know unconditional love from their parents. Most people are not so lucky. And even less people practice unconditional self love.
It starts with your mother and ends with you.
I think most of us girls have heard it in our lives by our mothers:
"When I was your age, I was so skinny."
"When I was younger, I was only 100lbs."
"When I married your father, I was so cute...and little."
If you're fortunate, your mother is merely reminiscing about her youth and beauty. That's understandable. A woman has children, life changes, we age...and ta-da! You're no longer your little 100lbs self anymore. However, if you're not so lucky, your mother was making those statements in order to make you feel bad about yourself.
I was not exposed to this growing up. Sure, my mom was a tiny little thing when she married my dad at only 19, and she has mentioned it. But I don't remember any sort of comparison game. Here is how it is known for far too many women:
"When I was your age, I was so skinny, only 100lbs, and cute. Why aren't you? You really should lose some weight, honey. If I was that way at your age....."
And so right off the bat, we're learning that genetically speaking our mothers were capable of being much skinnier and prettier than you, and so logically you should be just like her. And if you're not, you're a disappointment. Our body comparison game starts at a very young age with our own mothers.
But you are your own person.
You may have been taught conditional physical self love by your mother, but you can teach yourself better self love.
I consider myself a realist, and therefore I don't expect someone to have unconditional self love. I really don't. I believe we have a better chance at giving unconditional love to another person than to ourselves. Doesn't seem to make any sense, does it? But it's true. It's so much easier to hate yourself. Especially your body. Especially your body when you've gained weight, or feel like you're too skinny, or have terrible acne or cellulite or wrinkles...the list goes on. There are so many reasons to turn on yourself.
So let's refocus. You may not be able to have 100% unconditional self love, but there are ways that you can show yourself you love you. Sometimes it's as simple as getting a massage or spending time reading a book. Just avoid using food, exercise, and/or anything related to weight loss/gain as your source of self-love. It should have nothing to do with your weight or your beauty. Because that's not allowing any down time from your bombardment of self criticism. However, when you allow yourself to escape from the everyday, then you can think about the things you love about yourself.
Oh how I love me...let me count the ways.
No, really, do it. Count the ways. Write them out. You like it when someone compliments you, right? Then do it for yourself. And if you learn to do this for yourself efficiently, it will make it easier to weather the times when we're losing our love for ourselves and remind ourselves why we love us.
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