Our dislike for our physical is merely a branching out from something else within us. Something that tells us, we're not good enough. That who we are is lacking.
Who taught you that you're ugly?
Really think about it.
Was it your mother? Did/Does she always criticize? I had a friend once whose mother ripped her to pieces at every opportunity. These are statements she would digest from her mother on a daily basis: "You're too fat." "I was never fat at your age." "You've really got to do something with yourself. No man is ever going to love you if you're fat like this." And the list goes on and on. I eventually came to a point where I had to be honest with that friend and tell her that I did not ever want to be in the company of her mother again. And as much as I value family, she should have felt the same. She was a grown woman, after all. And yet, she was never good enough. She was convinced that she had to lose weight or her mother and all men wouldn't love her or accept her. She had fed into her mother's lies. She finally used some dieting fad and was working out and losing weight rapidly. Our friendship went to hell in a handbasket. Her personality changed so rapidly, I didn't even know who she was anymore. But she was skinny, dammit. And she did look great! But it consumed her entire mind. It was all she thought and talked about. And guess what happened in the long run? Her mother found other things to pick on.
What about your father? Did you have one present in your life? Have you had any male role model who found you beautiful? Or was it the opposite? Was there abuse?
What about a boyfriend? When you were young, did a boy you love cheat on you? Break up with you? What did the other girl look like? You might have walked around calling her ugly and proclaiming that you are way prettier. Did you really feel that way? Or did thinking about his decision make you hate yourself?
When we focus on our bodies in unhealthy ways, it's a sign of feeling out of control. You'll never be able to control how people do or don't love you. Every person in your life may have betrayed you...or maybe just the really important ones. So our lives go spinning out of control. What's the one thing you have in your total possession? Your body.
Have you ever felt so sad and empty that hunger feels good? Have you ever enjoyed the feeling of punishing your body?
Perhaps it doesn't seem to go that deep for you. But somewhere you're looking for approval. You want to walk in a room and control everyone's thoughts with how beautiful you look. But there will always be that crash at the end of the road. Why? Because physical is fleeting. We're told that people will love us according to the way we look. So that's where we start. With our looks. "If I look like this, so-and-so will love me...." The best you'll get out of that equation is lust. And Lust has quickly searching eyes never settling on one thing for very long. It's desire always continues to grow and wants something different. The rejection will continue as long as you look for love anywhere but within you.
You were created to love. It's a natural instinct. But you will continue a life-long struggle until you realize that you cannot love others until you love yourself. Sound cliche? It is. But it's true. How can you expect to offer someone unconditional love when your own love for them hinges on how beautiful they perceive you? As long as you are completely reliant on their approval, you will only be able to offer conditional love. And you get what you give.
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